#then i remember i have my finals in January and now its not so yay anymore

[zanco-panco]

tried to do chibi

[solartranslations]

AF2 Common 12/28: A Long Night

Even if they’re somewhere new, what doesn’t change is the time they spend at the bar. …It’s the start of a long night

~*Scene: Nordia Bar*~

Pace: So gooood! I’m so glad Nordia has lasagna too

Debito: Ahh, that hits the sport…Nordia has the best drinks

Luca: I can’t believe you two…a client is coming to meet us soon. Be professional

Debito: What for. I thought this was a friend, not a client

Pace: *eating*…Debito’s right! Wouldn’t she actually get mad if we acted that way?

Luca: Maybe, but…

Felicita: Who is it? A friend of yours, Luca?

Luca: Yes. You met her the other day. It’s Agata

Felicita: Agata is…

Debito: Don’t worry, Bambina. She is strict, but she won’t do anything while over a meal

Pace: Huh? She’s scolded me while I was eating before. Agata’s whip sure is painful

Agata: That was because your behavior required discipline. I don’t raise my hand to others without reason

Pace: Uwah!? Agata, when did you get here? Don’t scare us like that

Debito: Our guest of honor is finally here. You’re late

Luca: Sorry for calling you out here when you’re so busy

Agata: I don’t mind. I wanted to talk with you all too

Agata: It’s been so long since we were all together. Debito, Pace, Luca, have you all been well?

Pace: Of course! You still got your whip, Agata?

Luca: Pace, don’t be rude! That’s no way to greet someone

Debito: You could show us if you wanted. It’s been a while after all

Luca: Debito! I said not to be rude!

Agata: Haha, you really haven’t changed. They sure must be a handful for you, Luca

Luca: Yes, dealing with these two certainly is

Pace: Really? I thought Luca was the handful. Right, Ojou?

Felicita: Um…

Debito: Yeah, Bambina’s definitely had it the hardest. You tell her how much of an airhead your attendant is

Luca: Are you trying to say that my head is filled with nothing but air?

Luca: It’s not true. I think a lot about Ojou-sama, but not air…

Pace: Same thing, isn’t it?

Debito: Yeah, it is

Luca: It’s not!

Felicita: You all need to settle down…

Agata: You all are causing trouble for your lady. Pay more attention to those around you

Debito: Wow~, nice one, Agata. You haven’t lost your touch at all

Pace: Your whip sure is quick, Agata. …It’s scary though

Felicita: Um…thank you, Madam Governor

Agata: Agata is fine. No need for titles. I regret that we couldn’t talk more the other day

Agata: So I was excited at the chance to talk to you now. There’s no need to be humble, just act as usual

Felicita: Thank you, Agata

~*Scene: Nordia Bar VIP Room*~

Felicita: [There was a room for special guests in the back of the bar]

Felicita: [We were able to talk freely there]

Agata: So tell me, why did you call me here?

Debito: Well we had to say hi to you since we came out to Nordia after all this time. It’s a courtesy, right?

Agata: You’ve got guts to talk about courtesy. There’s more to it, right?

Luca: Ah, it’s nothing too important…we just wanted to see you, that’s all

Agata: —Let me put it this way then. Are you curious about the contract with Vir that I mentioned the other day?—

Pace: Why are you bringing that up? Didn’t you say you couldn’t talk about it?

Agata: I just thought it’d be a dull and pointless topic to end things on

Agata: Anyway, I have things I wanted to ask you too

Agata: If that girl with Vir really did hurt Sumire, then I can’t stay quiet about it either

Agata: It won’t sit right with me until I hear the whole story

Luca: Agata… you don’t need to worry about Mama

Luca: Though she did suffer some shock and will need to recover with rest

Felicita: We don’t know why Mama got hurt. But…I don’t think Neve is the kind of person who would do that

Agata: Right, Neve. I know of her too

Agata: Sumire is like a little sister to me. I understand why you’d blame Vir, and I have no intention of sticking up for him

Agata: But for Nordia, Vir is—

Agata: Someone we need. The basis of our contract is that Vir lends us his power

Agata: So we can’t lose him, no matter what…

Agata: I’ll say it again. I won’t get in your way. But I can’t help you either

Agata: I’m under that contract. It’s to protect Nordia—

Felicita: If it’s to protect Nordia…. Can we help with that in any way?

Pace: Yeah. If it’s something Vir can do, we might be able to help you instead

Agata: No, it’s…

Luca: You can’t talk about the details of your contract then

Debito: Any more talk is pointless. I have an idea. How about we play a game?

Agata: A game? What kind?

Debito: Chess. We used to play it a lot, right?

Agata: Hmph. Looks like you’re all quite desperate to get information out of me

Debito: As you know, I’m the kind of person who doesn’t do anything without a good reason. And I’d still only do the minimum

Agata: Huh, interesting

Agata: The masquerade is soon. We should have a match for the tournament on its last day

Debito: Then let’s make a deal. The loser will have to do one thing that the winner wants

Pace: Huh!? Should you really promise that? Every time we played against Agata before…

Agata: I’m surprised you’d bet with such high stakes against me…

Agata: Hm… did you forget our games in the past, or are you that confident you’ve improved?

Luca: Debito…are you sure? Do you have a plan?

Debito: No I don’t. It’s just the only way I can think of to get any information

Agata: Having the loser listen to the winner’s request is too obvious. You just want information on Vir, right?

Agata: How about this. The loser will tell the truth about what they’ve been hiding. You’ll be witness, Felicita…

Agata: We’ll use “The Lovers”

Felicita: You want me to use “The Lovers” to see if you’re telling the truth…

Luca: I see. Even if it was a lie, Ojou-sama’s powers will see through it

(*smirk) Debito: I’m fine with that. Let’s get started

—And then—

~*Scene: Nordia Bar VIP Room*~

Pace: Yay! Haha, I won!

Felicita: Amazing, Pace! Even Debito and I couldn’t win…

Luca: It must have been his animal instincts

Agata: I truly didn’t think I would lose. I underestimated you

Debito: Since we won, we’ll be asking the questions then. Pace, what have you got?

Pace: I’ve been curious about something ever since we started playing

Felicita: Curious…?

Pace: Yeah. We never told you about Ojou’s powers, right Agata? So how did you know that she can use “The Lovers”?

Felicita: Right

Luca: Can you tell us, Agata?

Agata: That’s simple. I heard about them from Vir. That’s all

Luca: It was from him? But we never told Vir about her powers

Felicita: Yeah, I don’t remember saying anything

Agata: You didn’t have to. He knows everything about the Tarocco…

Pace: Huh? Is Vir really that smart?

Debito: That’s not what you should be impressed about

Agata: He knows about the Tarocco you all host too

Luca: …Just how much does he know?

Felicita: Who exactly is Vir?

Agata: Vir has formed a contract with “Agata” to protect Nordia for generations

Debito: Protect it from what?

Agata: A great storm that occurs once every 100 years, “Acqua Tempesta”— (TN: storm water)

Agata: It causes much greater disasters than when a normal acqua alta raises water levels (TN: when high tides cause flooding in Venice etc.)

Agata: And Vir protects Nordia from that threat…as is our contract

Pace: But that doesn’t make sense. Vir still looks so young…

Debito: Don’t be dumb, Pace. She said it was for generations

Debito: She just means he inherited the name “Vir” like she did with “Agata”

Luca: He’s right. Even if we don’t know how old he is, a person can’t live for hundreds of years

Luca: Probably, I think…

Agata: …Yes. You’re right

Debito: So the contract you made with Vir was that he’d protect the city from the Acqua Tempesta…now it all makes sense

Felicita: So that’s why Agata says she can’t help us

Agata: I had no choice but to keep it a secret. But it’s just as you say

Agata: The next Acqua Tempesta is in January…when the New Year comes, the whole town will be washed away. We can’t stop it on our own

Agata: I will protect Nordia no matter what. It’s my reason for being “Agata”—

Felicita: Your reason for being “Agata”…?

Agata: If we survive this Acqua Tempesta, the next one will be in a hundred years

Agata: In that amount of time, I can persuade my people to move elsewhere to safety

Agata: And if technology advances enough so that we don’t have to, all the better

Agata: Time brings change and progress. But, time makes people forget as well

Agata: I wasn’t able to get my people to believe me in time

Agata: The burden I carry from my ancestors is heavy—

Felicita: Agata…

Agata: People are like pawns in God’s game

Agata: And right now, I’m a failure at carrying out my duty as a pawn

Debito: Saying that’s not like you

Pace: Yeah, it’s like you’ve gotten old, Agata

Agata: Idiot, just say I’ve matured. I’m only old enough to be your sister

Luca: You’re older than Mama though

Agata: …I thought you were a genius when you were younger, but now I know you’re just normal. Well, maybe not. I see you have a one-track mind with your Ojou-sama

Luca: Um, why am I the only one you’re saying that to?

Pace: Why don’t you like hearing that? Being obsessed with Ojou is something to be proud of!

Felicita: Pace, I don’t think she means it in a good way…

Luca: It definitely isn’t praise!

Felicita: [Agata shoulders the responsibility of Nordia and its people. No matter how hard it is, she doesn’t give up and tries to find a way]

Felicita: [Agata is strong…that’s clear to me. I want to protect Regalo too, so I send my thoughts out to its people…]

Agata: Isn’t there anyone besides Pace who can challenge me?

Luca: You’re just too strong, Agata. Strategy games like this are your forte

Agata: You’re not wrong. I couldn’t be governor if I wasn’t

Felicita: Agata…I want to play another round with you

Agata: We’ve already seen the outcome, so no. Maybe another time

Felicita: …Please?

Agata: *sigh*… Children are so tiring. If you were my son, I’d have brought out my whip

Pace: You did that to us too before

Debito: Yeah. No mercy at all

Luca: Then, how about you play against me next? Is that alright?

Agata: Yes, let’s give it a go

~*Scene: Nordia Bar VIP Room*~

Luca: It’s been so long since I’ve played chess with you, Agata

Agata: Yes, it has. And just like before, only Pace would be able to win out of the three of you

Luca: I think I’ll be joining him this time. I will win

Agata: I can’t believe you can say that while looking at the board now. Your king and queen are cornered

Luca: This is where I turn things around

Agata: Haha, very interesting

Felicita: Luca’s good at chess?

Pace: Hmm, he could get pretty far but…

Debito: Yeah, but he could never finish it. Neither of us have ever won against Agata

Luca: If I take this pawn next…

Agata: That won’t work, unfortunately

Luca: Wha?

Agata: Checkmate

Debito: Oh well. Luca lost

Luca: Another loss… You certainly are strong

Agata: Those who think too hard about their actions won’t win against me. But people who act on instinct are harder to read

Agata: I’ve won this time…but you were the ones to ask questions during the last round

Agata: I know. I’ll give you an opportunity

Pace: What opportunity?

Agata: You can do it when I’m not around, but answer one of Debito’s questions

Luca: We’ll answer Debito’s questions…?

Debito: Huh? What’s that about? I didn’t ask for you to give me your prize

Agata: Luca, you are a very stubborn man. You try to maintain balance even while fooling yourself. It’ll be easier if you break that just once

Luca: ……

Pace/Debito: ……

Agata: I will take my leave then. You all can do as you wish

Felicita: I should probably go too…

Debito: …Yeah, let’s go. I’ve got nothing to ask anyway

~*Scene: Nordia Street*~

Pace: Wow, it’s totally dark out. All the shops are closed too

Debito: It’s not that late. And isn’t this when grown-ups really start having fun?

Luca: Only for you. And if that causes you to stay in bed until noon, I think you need to reevaluate your priorities

Debito: It’s not your problem

Luca: It is. The Coins are always…

Felicita: !?

Luca: That person getting off the gondola is…

Pace: It’s definitely Vir

Debito: Perfect. We’ve got business with him after all

~*Scene: Nordia Waterway*~

Vir: Hm?

Luca: Haaah!

Vir: *laugh*…

Luca: He knocked away my attack!?

Vir: It looks like alchemy hasn’t advanced one bit

Vir: It’s the same as it was 400 years ago. No, it’s actually gotten weaker

Luca: …!

Debito: I guess Agata meant what she said literally

Pace: You mean when she said she’s known him for 400 years?

Vir: You really thought such a small flame could capture me?

(*click) Debito: Nope. These are the real goods

Vir: That’s quite the greeting. Hm? Your right eye…

>Debito Route

>Pace/Luca Routes

Vir: What a nice gem. It should last you the rest of your life. Perhaps I should sell some in my store

Vir: But, that amethyst won’t last much longer. Do you have a replacement ready?

Luca: Why would you know…we don’t need your concern. I have a replacement

Debito: Tch, you really do know everything…

Vir: That gem was made with alchemy. Is it your creation?

Luca: …

Vir: You’re even better than your teacher. You couldn’t have made that if you hadn’t watched him for so long

Vir: I’d love a gifted student too. Will you join me?

Luca: I humbly decline

(Luca: Because I have Ojou-sama) (This line is Luca route only)

Vir: Unfortunate. But, it seems those two do need you too. Now then

(*shing) Felicita: You aren’t getting away

Debito: We came all the way from Regalo to capture you

Pace: Yeah. Finding you here makes things a lot faster

Vir: Didn’t Agata tell you? You can’t touch me yet. This is Agata’s city. You aren’t the law here

Vir: And I’m not someone you can catch that easily

Vir: Haaa!

Dodge!

>Hit

(+10 Amore)

>Miss

(-20 Amore)

(*dodge) Felicita: Hah!

Felicita: Ah…

Luca: Ojou-sama! Watch out!

Luca: … L’Armonia della Luce!

Vir: Haha, you can run if you like. I’m not in the mood to fight you today

Felicita: Well I am!

Vir: Stubborn aren’t you…fine then

Debito: You’re fighting me too. So don’t turn your back!

Felicita: Debito! I’ll cover you!

(*whish) Felicita: Yah!

Attack!

>Hit

(No Amore)

>Miss

(-20 Amore)

Vir: Guh…

Vir: That’s all you’ve got?

Vir: You have to mean it if you’re going to attack me. And you won’t catch me anyway

Pace: If you’re just going to run away, doesn’t that mean you’re actually weak?

Vir: I’m running for your sake. If you hit me with your powers, punishment will befall you

Felicita: Punishment…

Debito: You’re not going to trick us with a joke like that

Vir: Is it really a joke?

Pace: If you won’t attack, then I will!

Pace: Hyaaah!

Vir: Hah, that won’t hit me…

Debito: Didn’t I tell you already? You’re not just fighting one of us!

Debito: Hahaha!

Vir: Those bullets won’t work on me. I’ll just erase them

Felicita: No you won’t!

(*whish) Felicita: Haaah!

Attack!

>Hit

(+10 Amore)

>Miss

(-20 Amore)

Vir: Guh…Right. You’re here too

Vir: Where are you aiming?

Vir: …So tiring. This is all the time I have for you today

Vir: Haaah!

Luca: All of you, get away from Vir!

Luca: I’ll block his attack, so get behind me!

Felicita: Right…!

Luca: Guh…

Vir: See you tomorrow then

Felicita: Luca! Are you alright?

Luca: *panting*…Yes. I’m sorry. It’s been a while since I’ve fought that hard…

Debito: I am interested in one thing he said

Luca: ……

Debito: He said “You couldn’t have made that if you hadn’t watched him for so long”

Felicita: …

Debito: If this hadn’t happened, I never would have asked…

Debito: Back then…who’s side were you on?

Pace: Debito…

Luca: I…

Debito: Honestly, I don’t care what the truth is though

Pace: It feels late bringing this up now, but I’ve been hiding things too

~*Flashback: Back Alley*~

Pace: Um, because of a special trait of my Tarocco, I––

Pace: I can only live until age 30

~*End Flashback*~

Pace: I guess Debito’s been the most honest out of us

Debito: Shut up, Pace

Pace: I guess the best thing is for Luca-chan to come clean and for us to give him one good hit for hiding it?

>Luca, I want to know too…

>I think you should tell Debito and Pace

Luca: Ojou-sama…

Luca: Right. I never was good at keeping secrets

Luca: And I didn’t plan on hiding it this long either

Luca: It might make things easier if I just told the truth…

Luca: I don’t know if hearing this will help them

Luca: But I think it will be better for me

Luca: It hurts to keep this a secret. …I just want to tell you

Luca: This is the opportunity that Agata gave us

Luca: I’ll tell you…about the secret I’ve been keeping

Luca: Back then, I had a lot of feelings that I had a hard time putting into words

~*Flashback: Bedroom*~

Debito: Uw, ahhhhh!

Pace: Debito!? Where are you?

Luca: I can’t see him…but I can hear him. Are these Debito’s Arcana powers…?

Debito: *panting*…

Pace: Ah! There’s blood near the bed… Debito, are you there?

Debito: Uaa, Pace…

Luca: If I could see you, I could neutralize your powers with mine, but I can’t touch you like this

Pace: Ah! I see him! Debito, can you hear me? Debito?

Debito: ……

Luca: He’s not conscious. And his right eye is bleeding…he hit himself on that pillar…

Luca: Hurry, Pace! At this rate, Debito will…

Pace: But where should we…

Luca: We’ll take him to Jolly

~*Flashback: Alchemy Room*~

Pace: Jolly! You have to help Debito!

Debito: Guh…ahh…

Jolly: …What happened

Luca: Debito’s powers are out of control. He struck his eye against a pillar…

Luca: He settled down after losing consciousness, but he hasn’t woken up yet

Jolly: His powers…

Pace: Jolly, what’s going to happen to Debito?

Jolly: He’ll die if we don’t do anything. He must not have the emotional strength to handle his powers

Luca: …No way

Pace: I don’t want Debito to die! Since you experiment all the time, can’t you save him!

Jolly: …I have an idea. But I can’t guarantee that it will work

Jolly: Do you still want to save Debito?

Pace: Of course we do!

Luca: Yes…

Jolly: Good. I’ll get started

Jolly: We’ll put this gem in Debito’s right eye. It will amplify his emotional strength to make up for what he lacks

Luca: An amethyst…

Pace: You’ll stick that in him!?

Jolly: He won’t be able to use his eye anymore either way. This is better than dying

Debito: Ahhhhhh….!!!

Jolly: This should last for a while

Pace: Thank you, Jolly

Luca: Thank you

Luca: Jolly…

Jolly: Pace already left. Was there something else, Luca?

Luca: I know you saved Debito…but will he really be alright like this…

Jolly: Hmph, I don’t plan on leaving this be. You’ll be paying me back for saving him

Jolly: …How about this. From now on, you’ll have no contact with Debito or Pace

Luca: Wha…

Jolly: Or you’ll help me with my experiments again. It’s an equivalent exchange. You’ll pay me back one of those two ways. The choice is up to you

Luca: …I…

~*Flashback: Bedroom*~

Pace: Don’t worry us like that, Debito. I told you not to push yourself

Debito: Yeah, but I had to. I’m not good at staying put

Luca: Calm down, you two. Debito’s awake, and that’s all that matters

Luca: I’ll be going now. I’m doing a little favor for someone

~*Flashback: Alchemy Room*~

(*knock knock)

Luca: It’s me

Jolly: Come in…

~*End Flashback*~

Luca: My…heart was always with you two, but I was acting on Jolly’s orders

Luca: I stayed to protect you. But, it’s true that I was still observing you as directed by Jolly too

Luca: I wanted to protect you, but still felt guilty. I thought protecting you was my duty

Luca: And it’s why I feel so conflicted into inaction now

Luca: And then, Ojou-sama’s powers went out of control

Felicita: …!

Luca: I was ordered to live with Ojou-sama, and went to that small house with her and Sumire-sama

Luca: I had a peaceful life there. And that’s when I realized that I was making up for what I did to you two…

Luca: It’s because of Ojou-sama that I found the strength to accept myself

Luca: It’s thanks to Ojou-sama…that I realized what I should protect

Luca: I’m the weakest one out of us. I just couldn’t live on if I lost even a single one of you

Felicita: Luca…

Luca: ……Is that all you wanted to know?

Felicita: Luca…!

Luca: Wah! O-Ojou-sama…

Debito: You shouldn’t be crying at your age

Pace: Yeah. You’ve hit a milestone so you really should grow up

Felicita: Luca, how could you keep smiling before now?

Luca: Because…you all…were with me

Debito: Oh get a grip! Pace, let’s throw Luca in the canal!

Pace: Okay! Heave-ho!

Luca: *bubble bubble*…

Felicita: Luca, are you okay!?

(*splash) Luca: *cough*…

Debito: Yeah, he wouldn’t drown

Pace: Yup. That’s his punishment from us instead of getting hit

Debito: Yeah I figured

Luca: You weren’t going to let me get washed away, right!?

Debito: Okay, let’s head back

Pace: Oh wow Luca, you look just like Dante. Let’s go, Ojou

Felicita: O-okay…

Luca: Can you at least pull me out of here!!!

~*End of Scene*~

(Continue to Common Route December 31 (Pace Route)) Coming Soon!

(Continue to Debito Chapter 4)

(Continue to Luca Chapter 5)

(Back to Directory)

[maxineswritingcenter]

Bray Road - Fox Mulder x nonbinary!reader part 2

Agents Mulder and (Y/N) investigate mysterious killing on a forgotten road in rural Wisconsin. A connection to a case in the past brings the investigation to a whole new level.

—

The agents decided split up. Mulder went to go speak with the surviving victim and (Y/N) went to the coroner’s office so that they could look over the victims so they could get an idea of what could have done this.

-

Mulder entered the ICU where the boy was being held. Jason Mulligan, age twenty-two. He was a graduate student at the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire. After getting directions from the nurse, he knocked on the door and made his way inside. Laying on the hospital bed, the boy looked like he’d been through the ringer. Any skin visible was covered in bandages, even his head apart from his right eye and mouth was covered. At his bedside was a woman he assumed was his mother.

“Pardon my intrusion, I’m special agent Fox Mulder with the Federal Bureau of Investigation.” He flashed his badge.

“This was an animal attack though.” Mrs. Mulligan said.

“We were called in, it’s just procedure. I just came to ask Jason a couple questions if he’s up to it.” Mulder said, looking at the boy in the bed.

Jason sat up a bit, “I can answer questions.” He spoke in a hushed voice.

“I appreciate that, young man. Now how did you find yourself out on Bray Road yesterday evening.”

“A couple of my friends from school said they saw the beast. We wanted to find it, take pictures and I don’t know… get some money for it? I don’t believe in this type of stuff but-…” He paused, his hands tightening into fists.

“But now you do?” Mulder asked.

“Look, I’ve seen bears and wolves. That thing wasn’t either of those. That thing wouldn’t let us leave the road. It circled us. Picked us off one by one. I got thrown into a ditch and played dead. I stayed there and passed out. I woke up in the hospital.” He recalled the night before.

“The officers said that you were saying a word when you were found. Repeating it actually. You were saying “field” over and over again.”

“I mean, we were right by a field. That’s the only thing I could think of.”

Mulder’s cell phone began ringing in his pocket. He handed Mrs. Mulligan his business card, “Call us if he remember anything else.” He made his way back into the hallway and answered his phone.

“Mulder.”

—–

(Y/N) arrived at the coroner’s office and was led back to the autopsy facility. Dr. Andrea Sherman was the doctor beginning the procedure. Dr. Sherman got scrubbed in and began speaking.

“We’ve pieced together about five bodies. Or what’s left of them. This is the body that’s mostly intact.” She motioned to the body on the table covered in a blue sheet. Dr. Sherman pulled the top of it away revealing the head and torso of Zeke Bruins according to the tag on his toe. His left arm was torn to shreds by the creature’s claws. His right arm, seemingly torn off. The doctor began her physical examination of the body.

“I think this is pretty open and shut.” Dr. Sherman began, “We’ve had a few bear sitting recently. These kids were just there at the wrong place and the wrong time. Probably just a mother defending her cubs.”

“But it’s only October, cubs aren’t usually born until January.” (Y/N) said without thinking, like the words just flew from their mouth. The doctor looked up from the corpse and eyed them.

“I suppose.” She squinted through her safety goggles, “By the way, are you from around here? You look really familiar.”

(Y/N) shook their head, “Nope, just have one of those faces.”

“Well anyway, rabid bear, black bear, the rare grizzly, it’s probably nothing-” She stopped mid sentence, “What the…”

“What is it?” (Y/N) asked. Dr. Sherman was staring into the arm socket of the boy, she took a pair of tweezers. With a little effort, she jerked free something that was embedded in the bone. She dropped it in a metal bowl.

“Oh my god.” Dr. Sherman said. (Y/N) looked over her shoulder and their eyes widened. It was a human tooth. Their stomach dropped and their heart leapt into their throat.

“Could you sent the xrays to the field office in Quantico?” The doctor nodded, “Good. I’ll be in touch.” They made their way out the door and called agent Mulder. He picked up in the first few rings.

“Mulder.”

“It’s (Y/L/N). Listen, one of the victims had a tooth embedded in his shoulder blade.”

“A bear tooth?” He asked.

“No, a human tooth. But that doesn’t make sense.”

“Well, (Y/L/N) the human jaw is capable of biting off our fingers like a carrot, whose to say it can’t be lodged into your bone?” There was just a hint of humor is his voice.

“It’s impossible. The wounds sustained by the victims can’t be human. The average strength of our jaws are at about one hundred sixty pounds per square inch. The force that it would take to do this damage would have to be over two thousand.”

“I have a hunch. I’m meeting up with a local journalist on the case can you meet me there?”

—-

The address agent Mulder gave them was to a small townhouse closer to downtown. They parked in the driveway behind Mulder’s rental and met him on the porch where he seemed to already be talking with the journalist.

“Speak of the devil,” He smiled, “this is agent (Y/L/N).” (Y/N) met the pair and extended their hand to meet the woman’s.

“Linda Godfrey, a pleasure.” They shook her hand. Linda smiled at them.

“Have we met? I’m getting the strangest sense of deja vu.” She said.

(Y/N) shook their head, “Nope. Sorry.”

“Well, like I was telling your partner, back in 1991, I started working for The Week which is the local paper for the county. We were just getting siting after siting. So I started compiling and unraveling. I’m actually writing a book about it, I’m going to call it: The Beast of Bray Road: Tailing Wisconsin’s Werewolf!”

“So you think the beast is a werewolf?” Mulder asked, looking somewhat pleased.

“Well, I don’t know what else it would be. From the descriptions given that could be the only possibility. I even have the testimonies of the only survivor from the attack in the seventies.” Linda said excitedly.

“The survivor was a little kid, it was dark and they were scared. I don’t believe any testimony they give would be accurate. It’s the power of suggestion, this child lives in a town that makes its revenue from a cryptid like mothman or the Jersey devil.” (Y/N) rationalized.

“Even if that were true, Agent (Y/L/N), it’s all we have to go on. The child was placed with family in another state.” Linda said, “Now, if you would like, I could get you a copy of my research and all the evidence I have. You just have to promise to not let a single soul see it.”

“Cross our hearts.” Mulder made a crossing motion with his finger over the left side of his jacket coat.

“Well, come on in.” The agents followed Ms. Godfrey into her home. There were met by endless imagery of wolves and bears on almost every wall, figurines on the coffee table.

“I’ll be right back.” She said, leaving them in the living room.

“I never told you her name.” Mulder said, bending down to look at a figurine of a bear fishing.

“Huh?” They said, mind taken away from the portrait of a wolf howling at the moon.

“When I called you over here I never told you what the journalist’s name was. But you recalled it like it was someone you knew.” His green eyes seemed to look into their soul and to the core of their subconscious. They avoided eye contact, chewing on the inside of their lip.

“Look, Agent (Y/L/N), if you want me to trust you then you need to tell me what’s really going on here.” He said. They stood in silence for what seemed like forever. That is until Linda Godfrey came back with a stand of files.

“Here we are!”

-

Back at the hotel, Mulder had been in his room reading through the files that he had been gifted. Every first hand account of the creature. When he got to the killings in seventy-four he stopped. The name of the child from the case had the same first name as his partner, nothing strange about that. A coincidence more than anything. But that made him think. If he could find this person, who would be around his age at this point, maybe he could convince them to undergo regression hypnosis. He placed a call to the bureau to try and get the adoption records and went next door to share the findings.

-

A knock at the door pulled (Y/N) out of their thoughts. They hadn’t even realized the tears that were trailing done their face until then.

“Come in!” They called. The door opened and Mulder appeared in the doorway. He came inside, shutting the door behind him.

“I was looking through the records and I think the kid from the accident is our best bet of finding this thing. I got in contact with the bureau and they’re uncovering the adoption records.

“That won’t be necessary.” They said, finally meeting his eyes.

“And why’s that?” He asked. After taking a good look at them, he sat besides them on the bed, “Are you okay?”

“No, I’m not.” They paused, choking on back sobs. They cleared their throat and laughed a little.

“Mulder, it’s me. I was the child in the car.”

—–

Yay! Part 2! I’m really happy with how this is coming our so far. Thank you for reading!

Part 3 here!

Also just in case anyone is interested: Linda Godfrey is a real person who actually wrote a book about the Beast of Bray road. I only dramatized her for the sake of the story.

Shoot me a message if you like to be added to the tag!

Bray Road tag:

@theres-a-dog-outside-omg

[melancholicillusions]

How you two meet.

Tuesday, January 13 2018

"We are expecting a rather violent snow storm this evening. Its suspected to last a good three days. Infact its suppose to drop below freezing tonight and its expected to stay that way leading into tomorrow morning..." The women on the small television exclaimed.

"Ugh.. Of all days She could have made me work..." Y/n sighed, looking out the window which reflected no other color but white.

"Well what can you do about it?" You coworker Dokyeom chuckled, mixing the batter.

Rolling your eyes you walked over to the oven placing the empty pan inside and pulling out the cooked bach, setting it on the table turning off the oven.

"Well I could go home b-"

"Then go home, ill cover for you."

You smiled. "..but! You didn't let me finish. I was going to say.. I need this job."

Cocking his brows he reminded you, "y/n you dads a billionaire, you said it yourself he's given you more than enough to buy a nice car, house, and then just sit on your ass all day, for the rest of your life."

"Yes but he's also only a billionaire because of his father and his fathers, father. Should i go on?"

Dokyeom quickly declined your offer waving you off with his towel. "Blah blah blah."

"Haha very funny. Hey can you go tell them they need to leave? Its a minute till closing time."

"What?! Why can't you do it?" Dokyeom complained.

"Because, one I have to stay late anyways remember? Im on clean up duty. Also I dont like kicking people out.. Besides, I think they're homeless.." You trailed off.

Dokyeom sighed. "Fine. But you owe me.."

"대박! 감사해요." (Awesome! Thank you.)

"I see you've been practicing." He commented.

You smiled.

He made his way to the simi-empty dinning room where a young man and a child sat. The man had a smile on his face as he listened to the small child, who from what I could understand was telling him about her day at daycare. I couldn't help but feel guilty. Trying not to think about it, I began throwing out old samples and displays that once sat in the display case, though I over heard Dk politely tell them they had to leave.

"Excuse me, sir.." He started.

Trying my best to make it seem like I wasn't there I slouched down behind the case. Listening to the small conversation between the two men, peaking around the corner. The male looked up at Dk, worry on his face as he pulled the small girl closer. she looked to be around three while the male looked to be in his late twenties. He had short brown hair and what looked to be a faint beard growing. He was wearing an old torn-up off white sweater, ripped black jeans, and a gray scarf. The girl on the other hand had oily black hair that was pulled into a ponytail. She was wearing a hoodie that was three sizes too large for her, an ankle length navy blue skirt, and a red bennie.

"...I'm sorry to say that's its closing time and you'll have to leave." Dk finished.

"Ah, I'm sorry. We hadn't realized what time it was. haha!" The man said. Standing up to pick up the small child only to sit her down and begun putting her winter attire on.

"Okay. Stay safe." Dk smiled and started walking back to the kitchen putting the freshly made batter into the fridge for early shift staff tomorrow and begun washing the dishes.

"Daddy, are we gonna sleep under the bridge again?"

My breath hitched, and i slowly stood up looking at the child who was now putting on gloves while he wrapped the scarf around her neck. As she looked up to him warmly.

"N-no sweetheart we'll find somewhere."

Once his stuff was on he picked her up and made their way out into the harsh weather with one last glance into the kitchen, making eye contact with me for the first time.

_________________________

"Welp that concludes our shift.. I owe you one Dk. Again."

Dokyeom chuckled putting his coat on. "You sure do. Now if you'll excuse me I have a wife and daughter that are waiting for me. The wife especially." He winked.

"Gross, really Dokyeom? Really."

He smiled before clocking out, telling you to drive safe and walking out the door. I followed his steps only there was no one to tell drive safe and I had the extra step that included locking the doors.

"Shit, it really is cold out here... Doesn't help that my car is halfway down the fuckn' street." I muttered to myself.

Sitting in my car I couldn't help but think back to the man and his child. What she said to him specifically.

'Daddy, are we gonna sleep under the bridge again?'

Resting my head on the steering wheel I sighed. "Why didn't i say anything..."

Once I was done pondering and beating myself up about the past I started on my way home. Though the road I usually take was blocked off so I had to take the Sketchy way, through the alley and under the bridge. When it was in sight I calmed my nerves with some low-fi music my friend Yoongi produced. As I was driving through I saw someone- no someones. A familiar red bennie was huddled into something. I couldn't help but pull up next to them, driving slowly. Rolling my window down only to be greeted by snow and cold air assaulting my face.

"Excuse me. Do you need somewhere to stay?" I had to yell just to be heard over the yelps and roars of the winter air.

Man stopped and so did I, the little girls grip remained tight on her fathers arm.

"Uh. No, thank you we'll be fine.." He responded looking down.

"Daddy I'm cold.." She said and as a response he begun taking off his coat only to wrap it around her small frame, because she had one of his arms he could only use one to keep himself warm.

"Come on, its suppose to drop below freezing tonight, and if she's gonna have your coat.. You'll freeze... You'll both freeze."

He sniffled before telling her to get in the car.

"Come one Haru, get in the car... Hurry sweetie."

You smiled unlocking the doors, he sat in the back with her.

"You can get in the front."

"No, its fine." He quickly responded.

_________________________

"Here, I'll go make you two some hot chocolate."

"Hot chocolate! Yay!" The child now known as Haru yelled in excitement.

"Here let me help you princess.." He said taking her shoes and wet clothes off.

When you came back you set the three cups on the table and warmed up some left over egg soup.

"Do you have some dry clothes? Haru's are wet.." He said sounding timid and a bit hesitant.

"Uh ya.. Um, can you keep an eye on the food? You know to make sure it doesn't boil over."

"Sure.. Come here haru, and stop bouncing around on her furniture." He said sternly.

You chuckled walking to your room looking through your night gowns looking for one that was, shall we say appropriate for someone of her age.

"Finally..." You sighed.

'to the moon and back.' It read.

You started looking through the stuff your late husband left behind, and came up with a shirt that said 'proud husband of a kick ass military wife!' And some sweats. Quickly folding them you made you way into the kitchen where Haru and her father waited.

"Oh you could have made yourselves a bowl.."

"Oh, sorry we didn't want to touch anything..."

Making your way to the cabinet s to get them a bowl. "No no its fine im sure you two are starving anyways.. Here are the clothes. I found some for you to..."

He smiled slightly, "I'm Jeonghan by the way.."

"Im y/n. So that's your daughter?" You smiled as he picked Haru up and begun to dress her.

"Y-yes, her mother died at birth and things went down hill from there.."

"Oh, I'm so sorry.."

Jeonghan looked at you "I saw a picture of a man.. Assuming by the shirt you cave me your married?"

You cleared your throat. "Um no he died 2 years ago.."

He stared at you before apologising profusely.

"Heh.. No its fine, I guess I'm over it anyway.. I didn't stop and cry when going through his stuff.." You chuckled.

"No one ever truly gets over the loss of a loved one..."

He looks at you. You shake your head. "That makes two of us.."

[sammyandmattsblog]

Hello Kruger, we've missed you

When we lived in Maputo we had to cross the border once a month for Matt's car and my visa, so we ended up going to the Kruger (A LOT) and completely falling in love with the place, as well as with birding..

From our house in the city, over the border and to the Croc Bridge Gate, was 1 1/2 hours (not much more than from Nelspruit to the park) so it was an easy excuse to find ourselves there on a Friday morning at 7:00am until Sunday afternoon.

Because we visit the park so much, our trips there have all begun to blend into each other and we've forgetten a lot of what we have seen and done. Therefore, I really want to record our experiences at the park, to look back on and remember all the wonderful times (so expect a lot of Kruger posts :)

We've been to the park on day trips twice this week 😂😂😂 but with a totally different MO than before. Now it takes us 3 hrs to travel the distance of about 30kms, as we have time to stop for every bird or sit somewhere shady for a while to just enjoy the sounds of the bush.

Women's day was our first time back in the park since January and things couldn't have been more different. Now they only accept pre bookings and only a few of the gates are open. You also have to go at a certain time and can only use the gates in your province. I think they are currently only allowing 30% capacity, which is really nice because you can drive for an hour without seeing another car. We went from Malalane up to Skukuza (H3 via Afsal) and then out Paul Kruger gate. We also stopped for lunch at Skukuza, where they have reopened the old train station and turned it into a restaurant, complete with the original steam engine and train. I found this info about the station on the internet:

A TRIP BACK IN TIME

Known as the railway that saved the Kruger National Park, the Selati line is one of the most expensive railways ever built connecting Komatipoort with Tzaneen during the gold rush heydays. The construction of the line started in 1892 and was only completed in 1912.

In 1923, the South African Railways took over and introduced a “Round in Nine” train tour through the Lowveld, with a stopover at Sabie Bridge, today called Skukuza. The tour soon became very popular for its game viewing, and Kruger was established as a national park in 1926.

Trains still ran through the park up until 1973 after which most of the tracks were removed, leaving the bridge as is and part of the Skukuza scenery.

The old South African Railway Class 24 steam locomotive number 3638 that sits at Skukuza has been stranded there for a while, with only one carriage in tow. This specific carriage has had a fascinating journey. After serving as a suburban coach from 1942, it was converted into a funeral coach and in 1950, it transported the last remains of General J. C. Smuts from Irene near Pretoria to Johannesburg for cremation. In 1967, the coach was repaired, outshopped and became the State Funeral Coach where during its service, it transported the last remains of the Hon. J. G. Strydom. It was eventually donated to the National Parks Board (SANParks), and from 1984-2014 it housed a restaurant. Originally the lounge was paired with a kitchen and dining carriage, but sadly these burnt down in 1996. What was once a beautifully-preserved train and purpose-built station has been off limits to visitors for a while until now. Thanks to the new Kruger Station – a unique lifestyle precinct that captures an important part of the park’s history, it will reopen for all visitors to the Kruger in 2020.

New birds:

.Retz's Helmetshrike (yay finally)

.Brubru

.White-crested Helmetshrike

Then yesterday (Saturday 15 Aug) we went back to the park for another lovely early morning (which turned into a late afternoon). We arrived at 6am and took the S114 dirty road from Malalane to Skukuza, which is about 50kms. We took it slow, stopping at the watering hole on the S114 to watch the birds bathing and then chilled at the Biyamiti weir.. and trust not seeing anyone the whole time but the minute I jump out the car to have a wee, a car pulls up behind us, getting a great view of my bottom 😂😂.

New birds:

.Hooded Vulture

.Lappet-face Vulture

.Common Scimitabill (finally)

.Sabota Lark

.Red-breasted Swallow

Then also saw a very cool Secretary bird

When we were there on Monday we found a previously undiscovered dirty road but didnt have time to explore. So today after lunch we drove from Skukuza to the Phabeni gate (also never used this gate before), using the Very cool Sabie River Road)

On the way home, Matt had to go kind of fast to get up the Hazyview Hills because the clutch (the same one he had fixed twice this year) is not right and we had planned to take it to the mechanic on Monday.. then just like the good old days, bam, a belt snaps (which also should've been checked on the major service in March---- mechanics, what you gonna do 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️). Anyways, luckily Matt noticed the temperature rising so we pulled over and called the AA, who informed us that because of corvid, we both werent allowed to drive back with the tow truck and one of us was going to have to make another plan. Yikes.

We called our mechanic who was unfortunately in Machardodorp, so we called his wife who sweetly changed all her plans to save our day. We didnt say anything to the truck driver about not being able to drive with him and both just jumped in the truck and put seatbelts on and he didnt say anything, so off we went. Then Veronica opened the shop, and dropped us off at a taxi which she had arranged to drive us the 25kms back to our place. Gosh, I must be the bad luck one because this is the first week I've been back in the car since all the drama in Zambia back in feb (which is when the clutch broke) and the car breaks down Haha!!

[writtenbyaini]

April 1st

Hey guys, welcome to the not-so-secret secret project. A project where I blog my thoughts and plans for the month of April. With April being the month of Ramadhan and (also) my birth month. I made this decision to make April the month where I make changes in my life on things that I have always wanted or haven’t gotten the chance to finish previously.

I am writing this on the 1st of April, meaning it has officially commenced and anything I type from now onwards are improvised on the go. So please bear with me as I experiment with things; I foresee the road ahead being very bumpy.

------------------------------------

I left the first two paragraph for an hour so now I’m just thinking: What if I can’t commit? What’s in it for me? What am I going to do? And to be truthful, I don’t think I will lose anything, rather I’d probably be the stagnant self that I am right now. But for real though, this secret project means that I do want to gain something from it, and I am documenting this to give myself the motivation and reference in the future.

Investments

So… let’s start with how I have finally made some investment in Squirrelsave. No, this is NOT sponsored at all LOL. I created an account last year October-ish to finally start investing on something, and me being a newbie and still discovering how investments work, I found and downloaded the App to start, but I didn’t deposit any money thinking MAYBE, just maybe, I should only do it when I start working full time.

But last night I was sorting out my finance, and I was reminded of this abandoned account I have, so I finally did it today. I deposited $10 in my account, just because I was afraid that I might transfer it to the wrong account, but I got an email that it’s being processed, so once it’s confirmed, I’ll deposit another 40. Starting small, but yay to investments!

Savings

Well of course I must talk about Savings after investing. Remember how I said I was sorting out my finance? I went to Popular after work to get myself a folder to keep my cash in, sort of like a piggy bank but more organized. I told myself again and again last year, I MUST save up. I lived my life way too comfortable spending money knowing it’ll come again, even at a cost of going through my weeks with 0 in my bank account. So, keeping some savings helps me prepare for what’s to come, or ease whatever I will need to pay for.

I have no main goal for my savings as of now (i.e. Marriage), but I do want to prepare for anything that happens in the future, so I split my savings into a few categories:

General savings (it can be for anything)

Medical emergencies (throwback to when I had to spend 100+ for my dental appointment)

Parents/Family (as of now I give my mom 100 every month since January)

I had more categories in mind (retirement, spare) but I was thinking maybe I’ll figure it out as I go; those 3 are what I think would be the priority for me. I also have another bank account where I keep 300 inside mainly because I want to get 2 new monitors for my setup next month. They cost $504 in total… MY GOD are they expensive as heck.

The reason(s) why I MUST get new monitors are because:

The screens are peeling off from its frame.

I can’t install my current monitors to my monitor arms (it doesn’t have VESA mount for me to attach it to the arms) ugh I really should’ve checked beforehand.

Hopefully in May, I could buy them so I can increase my savings more.

Working Life

Every time something money-related issue comes up I blame myself for not saving as soon as I got my job as an intern. It’s the spendthrift behavior for me.

I managed to get an internship during my Year 2 summer semester, which means I was ahead of my peers, then I finished my internship mid-fall semester and continued working part-time in the same company. I chose to work part-time because I had class ongoing and being allowed to clock my hours in means I can also focus on schoolwork in peace when I need to.

This is my last month working as a part-time in the company and I’m hoping I can continue as a full-time once it ends. But I haven’t gotten the chance to talk to my supervisor yet. Maybe Monday, I hope.

The pay isn’t that bad... question mark??? My dad pays for everything in the house, so my pay is basically my own allowance. Problem was, as mentioned, I’m a BIG spender, it IS bad. I have my parents to blame for (somewhat). Recently I found out that they faced financial issues when I was very young (they’re fine now) but I think because of how secretive they were about it, I lack the knowledge of dealing with money, leaving me with the current state that I am now. Can you imagine how much money we’d make if we had invested in things (safely) way earlier?

Sigh, I’m just hoping that this habit changes, so stay tune for the end of the month???

Spiritual Health

It’s the fasting month starting 3rd April onwards. Which is pretty much a blessing for me: Less spending on food. It’s a challenge for me to fight my spending habits as well. I think in the past few years I haven’t gotten to properly find myself the time and space to improve my spiritual connection with God. I am THAT person that uses Ramadhan as an excuse to be more pious and stuff, but I think that’s also the wonder of it, don’t you think? So rather than holding myself back thinking that I am not worthy enough to be better during this fasting month, I should use it to my best of abilities to do better and be better.

I also found this post on Twitter whereby we can track our readings to complete our recitation of the Quran, which is something I should try this year. I had friends around me during secondary school do this challenge but I had never really done it.

One thing for sure, I hope this month gives me the strength I need to face it with little to no hardship. I wish to be better.

Conclusion

I think that’s all I could write for today. It’s 1:25am right now for me, I had just finished a few hours of gaming with my friends.

I also left my tabs open as I haven’t finished finding the right theme for this blog. So just know that whatever theme you see here is chosen sincerely as I have such an indecisive attitude towards making a design choice.

See you in the next post.

Note: I KNOW this post is dated 3rd April but it was such a hectic day what with the night prayers and all that. I’ll do a double post next!

[a-a-d]

rant no. i don’t remember35687

posted this on my private instagram account

honestly it is scary to openly express on my main

i cannot believe there are still people out there

capable of hating in this time

do you even know how fucking DARK and SAD and unfortunately POWERFUL the word HATE is?

and you truly can do that?

i hope you heal

truly

so coming back 2 da point

rant no. i don’t remember :

got to wash my fucking hair today and that’s amazing cause i woke up at a good fucking time when society’s solar could take the fucking hot water and let me be hygienic cause now i’m genuinely wanting to have a fucking shower so that i take care of myself but life has its own ways no so i couldn’t for like 2 days 😃but i’m grateful for the hot fucking water i finally got today to pour on my body and clean up my bathroom real well and put up these beautiful fucking flowers that i received on 22nd january which is my birth date lol and i absolutely fucking love sunflowers and siya got me white ones and wow that is so thoughtful and i was really proud of myself for cleaning up n making this fucking sink look all clean and organised and nice and was wanting to share this dump on my main so spread some positivity but i’m so fucking tired 😄 of pretending so now i will fucking rant 😄 and not pretend. and maybe share all of this fucking shit on my main itself when i have the desire. cause social media should be fucking real. waah. waaaah. what a rant. waah. bye. ok. that was so much anger 😄😃 and now i will go back to praying for papa and making some music and writing 10 more songs i am too fucking sHY AND NERVOUs to share to the world FOR WHat 😃😄😃😄 IDK but i shall figure it out 😁😄😄😀 i love you all always man thanks for accepting me for who n what i am and whoever got till the end of this rant. mAN WHAT PATIENCE YOU HAVE i love you ok gn bye 😃 pls gimme also. but if u did reach the end let me know who u r. pls. <3 :) I JUST really want my father to be conscious and awake soon and his heart to recover it’s working only at 25%, he couldn’t sleep the whole night AND HIS artificial OXYGEN REQUIREMENT INCREASED AGAIN for his lungs 🫁 NO I WILL NOT LET thAt HAPPEN😃 logically possible?? nO 😃 SO I WILL FIND Other ways but please this cannot happen bye. see u soon cause i know this account is gonna turn CRAZY 😄 FULL 😄 YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED leave b4 it’s 2 late then don’t tell me i’m ‘too much’ just stfu 😄😃👋🏼😄😶 ok enuf said hAHA amruta OBVIOUSly ok stop-

i really don’t want my father to die

honestly i’m shook how i haven’t run away already and fallen for my impulse and not made selfish decisions and im still alive wow yay therapist said that me strong u all say me strong but me sometimes don’t feel strong

but thank u for reminding me that i am strong

maybe i am

guess that’s how im alive

but aren’t we all?

therapist also said i’m drowning further

cause i’m getting so deep into my diagnosis

cause in life a lot of people i love and love me back

have unintentionally labelled me with words

and diagnosis

and then i started doing that 2

but therapist said diagnosis are for doctors to understand

i am my own individual. i am not my diagnosis.

honestly now i just want to concentrate on being alive, making sure papa is alive, my family and loved ones are healthy and make some music. but before papa gets better my entire focus is just going to be his recovery.

.

.

.

whilst all of this happens my mother and uncle happen to be the only 2 emergency contacts in mumbai cause due to covid none of us are allowed to be in the hospital

i will be allowed to see him once he’s out of the covid unit

in case of emergency only i will go cause god forbid covid doesn’t leave and papa decides to i want to see him

cause in covid they don’t allow you to touch the bodies

:)

and and and guess whatttt

and meanwhile, my brother??? -_-

MY BROTHER who claims to be a mental health supporter

feminist ( pls this is the worst first apologise to ur own sis) -_-

kRanTikAari

i am in so much of shock :Ddddddd

my brother went and tried to take Hope’s ownership

from me too

his father’s genes

have started acting up

since he turned 25

they actually always existed and showed and it was fucking sad

and today the golden champ

i fucking loved so much

is a narcissist himself

a fake feminist

misogynist basically

tried to bring the whole family down

and says blocking everyone who ever says anything upsetting to him…so basically not convenient to him is ‘his approach’ to trauma -_- escape

oh -_- so you get to ‘run away’ at 30 -__-

conveniently use your ‘sister’ for ‘public support’ -__-

still keep the funds like a king that i have no idea about -__-

then still take money from the family you apparently hAtE -___-

then run away with Hope and separate her from Peace which is genuinely the biggest sin you can do due to which both of the pups go through so much of separation anxiety :(

then also block sister after she asks you to not involve her in your social media stunts -__-

right after you share Hope with her and she decides to help you -___- even financially

and then try to steal ownership from her

of her pet !!!

because you conveniently started calling her ‘yours’ after not even knowing what shampoo she’s been using for her body and her skin issues since 6 years -__-

due to lack of acceptance of your own mistakes

you go ahead and call everyone wrong

i wish you healing truly brother

i wish you truly work on healing your trauma

without lies and delusional stories you make up

for ‘public support’ and ‘amplification’

just to justify the trauma you have caused otherwise -_-

you aren’t the only one hurt !!! is my point !!! if only you understand, accepted and acknowledged this with the amount of grace you accept your own hurt with.

i don’t know why doesn’t your father do that for you -_-

and how do you get to blame us all -_- but ur own dad

go find him na -_- why every1 else -_-

[ilosttrackofthings]

If you're still taking sunday six prompts, how about 'floor' of February 22, 2018 or 'home' or 'broken' of January 21, 2018.

Good news: I actually managed to get ‘home’ going again and have what should be part one of two finished so yay!

Bad news: I think ‘broken’ was a little too ambitious so here’s what I did manage to write, along with some explanations/headcanons. (Also this is unedited so don’t judge me for stuff I’d clean up if I ever posted this for real.)

Once, after aparticularly successful mission in the Bahamas, the team spent a dayon the beach, soaking up the sun and enjoying the ocean breeze. Afterlunch, their bellies too full of food to go out into the water, Jemmaand Skye sat at its edge, near enough the surf would wash over theirlegs and around their hips. When it rolled back out, it sucked thesand from beneath them and they laughed like children every time.

That’s what thisfeels like. The monolith is the ocean, vast and unforgiving, andJemma herself is the sand, torn away from the shore no matter how shestruggles to hold on.

She’s senttwisting and turning, caught in a riptide, and when she’sthrown—gasping and aching—onto dry land, it isn’t the solidfloor of Vault E. Not that she cares about the dirt beyond that itgives when her fingers dig into it and absorbs the sounds of heragonized screams.

.

.

Pain—real,physical pain—cuts through her skull. Sunlight breaks through herfluttering eyelids, curling and twisting around her eyelashes, makingstrange patterns in the air, obscuring the faces of those around her.

Orperhaps that’s the head wound.

Handscarry her and more reach out to touch her as she passes by. Too hard,too soft. Too hot, too cold. They’re all wrong. All completelywrong. None are what she needs.

It’sthe soulbond.

Sherealizes it with a clarity that only increases the pain. The bond hasbeen severed, that’s the pain she’s feeling.

Butit can’t be like this. Millions of people outlive their soulmatesand it hurts, yes, but how can they go on if the pain is always thismuch? If Fitz is really dead-

(Oryou are, a cruel little voice inher head says. She’s the one who was swallowed by the monolith.She’s the one who disappeared. Perhaps this is the afterlife.)

-howis she meant to go on living for another fifty years or even fiftyminutes with pain like this?

Thehands holding her lose their grip on her head. It’s too heavy forher to lift on her own and it pulls her neck to a sharp angle,aggravating the blow she took earlier.

Shesinks gratefully into unconsciousness.

.

.

(She comes to himcrying, so overwhelmed by her suffering that even in sleep her tearsfall. His worshipers lay her at his feet and scamper away. What is tocome is not for them to see.

Hereaches out to her, lets his power fall on her that she might befreed of her pain. The thread of connection he anticipates does notform. Rather, he feels a sharp tug that nearly knocks him off hisfeet and the lingering ache—the one he has suffered for generationson end and has learned to pretend he does not feel—is suddenlygone.

Hebreathes, for the first time in a literal age, easily.

Hisknees hit the stone floor beside her and he pulls her to him, feelsher skin, her hair, the beat of her heart in her breast. He presseshis face to her neck, takes in the scent of her. He remembers this,the sense of completion long since lost.

Hertears have stopped falling and though she sleeps on, she turns intohis every touch, deepening the closeness. She is his. For always thistime.)

.

.

Atinkling like wind chimes eases her awakeand when she opens her eyes she sees rainbows dancing where the lightfrom an open window falls on a wall.There’s no sudden spike of the ache that’s been sitting in herbones for days or theemptiness so deep she fearedit might drown her. There is, however, a slight twinge at the base ofher skull that eases when strong fingers slide gently over it.

“You’reall right now,” a voice says. Or … doesn’t. She recognizes thewords, but she doesn’t hear any sound.

Shetwists, finds herself in the lap of a man she’s never seen before.Her heart pounds. Though not from fear.

“Whathappened?” she asks.

Helooks human enough but as she was able to determine, between bouts ofunbearable agony, that this cannot possibly be Earth, he might aslikely be a member of one of the many races Sif claimed are similarenough to pass for human. As if to prove her right, hetips his head to one side like a bird consideringa scrap of food it’s never seen before. “You don’t know,” hesays, but his mouth doesn’t move at all.

Itisn’t a question, but she shakes her head anyway, using the motionto turn more fully onto her back. She’s on stone, but the lap she’sresting on is plenty comfortable.

She’sconscious of her precarious position—of how intimately she’slying against him and how casually he draws his fingers through herhair even now she’s awake (she’s glad for that though, it feelswonderful)—but can’t find it in her to pull away. Perhaps she’sbeen drugged.

Hiseyes narrow in confusion, which he shakes off swiftly. “You areaware your soulbond was severed?” he asks, still without moving hislips. The words are in her head, some sort of telepathy which bringswith them a sense of unease and caution.

Thequestion reminds her of Fitz and of the gaping hole left where herbond to him used to be. Guilt washes over her and that, finally, hasher sitting up.

Thestone they’re on turns out to be a bench and she slides her legsover the side so that she and the man face opposite directions. Theposition allows her to somewhat face him, but she focuses on the viewout the window. It, like the bench, is stone with no glass save thedecorative pieces hanging from narrow strings. The jungle—sheimagines the same one she’s been struggling to survive in while hersoul felt like it was dying—is beneath them, stretching out like agreen carpet until it disappears in distant clouds and fog.

Shecan feel the man’s eyes on her as well as the lingering buzz of histouch on her skin and shifts slightly away. She’s always felt alittle guilty with other men even though her bond with Fitz is purelyplatonic, but ever since he confessed his own belief that it wasromantic instead… She could barely hug Trip after he rescuedher from Hydra, for heaven’s sake! Lying in the lap of a completestranger is far more than she’s done in the past year, and knowingshe’s done it while Fitz is surely suffering as deeply as she is?

Was,she realizes with a jolt. There’s a lingering tenderness when shefocuses on the bond, but no pain at all anymore.

She’snever heard of anything like this—of course she also hasn’t heardof many people separated from their soulmates by light years; perhapsthe bond simply needed time to adjust to the distance.

“Youdo not need to explain,” the man beside her says. His eyes arefixed ahead on the lights on the wall. “But you must know that myown bond was severed as well. She … feared me.”

Amillion questions buzz through her head. The bond can be severed? Wasshe brought to him because of his familiarity with the subject? Doesthat mean her bond with Fitz hasn’t adjusted at all and he’s onlyeased the pain of its loss somehow?

Butwhat she says is only, “I’m sorry.” She touches his arm andfeels a vibration down to her toes. Her breath catches and it takesmore concentrated effort than she expects to pull her hand away.

Hewatches her, eyes oddly predatory. Prudence urges her to ask whyhis soulmate feared him, but curiosity sends her another direction.

“Whatdo you mean when you say it’s been severed?” She focuses on itagain, feeling the familiar warmth. It’s there, exactly as itshould be. She must have been right and the bond only required sometime to adjust to the distance. But if that’s the case, shouldn’tshe be able to feel the distance between herself and Fitz?And-

It’snot so familiar anymore. Her bond with Fitz was like walking into awarm house at the end of a long winter day. But now the bond is warmlike a crackling fire, eating up wood and gas and whatever else fallsin its reach. She’d almost think her soul’s caught a fever.

Theman drags in a deep breath, his eyes fluttering in pleasure.

Asuspicion takes root in Jemma’s mind and she struggles to push itaway while he brings himself out of whatever that was.

“Mysoulmate turned to dark magicks. She was willing to damage her ownsoul in order to see me cut from it. Though I cannot imagine anyonegoing to such lengths to be free of you-” he reaches for her andshe wants to pull away—she does—but she can’t seem tobring herself to move- “I assumed your soulmate had done the same.”

Sheshakes her head furiously and his hand falls from her hair. “No.No, that’s not what happened. He wouldn’t-” She knows Fitz hasbeen frustrated with her, but he would never break the bond. It’snot even possible. Is it?

“Itwas the monolith,” she says firmly. “It dragged me away.”

“Monolith,”he echoes and she feels a sharp something in her skull before hisexpression clears. “In the temple.”

“Yes!”It was all carved stone like this place—but much dirtier; no onehad been there in ages—and she spent what felt like days by theside of the monolith’s twin, hoping it would take her back, beforehunger drove her to find her way out and into the surrounding jungle.

“Atoy the Kree left behind,” he says, the words in her head vibratingwith barely leashed disgust.

“TheKree?”

Henods. “They changed me, turned me into one of their weapons. Thatis why my soulmate feared me. But I would not have harmed her and Iwill not harm you. I want only to help my people.”

Shebarely hears the second half of his statement, too distracted by thefirst. “But the Kree stopped experimenting on less advanced racesages … a … go.”

Shelooks around again, taking in the primitive stone architecture, theuntamed wilderness outside, the human-looking man beside her. Whatare the odds that the Kree would pick another species so physicallysimilar to human beings? As a scientist she can reason that theymight have hoped to repeat their successes by starting with similarbase genetics, but that thought does little to stop the fear mountingin her chest as pieces slot into place.

“I’mon Earth,” she says. There’s no way to test her theory, no way toprove it’s true, but she knows it is when she says the words. Theman’s hand rests on her back, giving her support. “I never left.That’s why the bond broke, because Fitz-”

Fitzdoesn’t exist. Not even in some theoretical afterlife. He won’texist for several thousand years.

“Iam sorry.” There’s so much sympathy on the man’s face, so muchcompassion, that she allows herself to fall into his arms.

.

.

After recovering from the shock of what’s happened, Jemma eventually gets around to asking Hive all her questions and he explains that, since neither of them has a soulbond of their own, they bonded naturally when they came into contact with one another. She spends a lot of time considering how different this new bond is from her first and also coming to terms with this new world she’s found herself in. She’s not sure how she feels about Hive’s position but ultimately comes around and accepts what is definitely not a platonic bond for what it is.

Then I had some vague thoughts that, with Jemma by his side, fear of Hive would increase because now there’s the potential for a dynasty (whereas before any dissenters could simply hope to kill him alone and be done with the whole mess). So the two of them would find a way back to the future where they’d learn what became of poor Fitz.

It’s possible to survive the severing of a bond, but not easy, spiritually or physically. Hive honestly only survived as long as he did because of his powers. Fitz struggles for a while but once the ATCU shows up on the scene and they learn about the stasis pods, he starts going into one for long stretches, only being revived when the team truly needs him. This leads the team to branching out and bringing in more scientists, including Radcliffe.

Ultimately Radcliffe still builds Aida a body and the Darkhold happens and wouldn’t you know it, when Fitz is revived to help deal with the Russian’s army of robotic copies, he bonds with the newly (In)human Aida.

So everyone is happy and bonded. The end.

[petri808]

Alone No More

Fic Writer’s Appreciation- January 2018 Writing Challenge January (2018) Day 13  Magic AU NaLu  6K+ words

“God, I hate him!” she screams to no one but the birds chirping away overhead.  

As she trudges through the forest, Lucy shifts the heavy sack she carries, filled with whatever possessions she could take in her haste to leave.  It has been almost a week since she had run away from her village and her father and since he is most likely searching for her, the young girl is constantly on the move staying as far away from any roads or travelled paths to avoid being found.  Tired and thirsty, she stops along a small river is thrilled with the cool liquid quenching her parched throat.  

After filling her water-gourd she sits back just to rest for a spell since her feet are aching from all the walking and close her eyes, enjoying the rays of the sun.  Exhaling, Lucy has no idea where she is heading, but just this small taste of freedom makes her feel better.  

And that’s when the sound of a twig snapping catches her attention.  Worried it could be someone looking for her, she stands up ready to grab her bag and go, but no one comes out of the bushes.  A second sound of disturbed foliage, followed by a whimper, like someone or something in pain.  

Now that’s something the healer cannot ignore.  Lucy picks up her sack and cautiously pushes her way through the underbrush.  “Is someone hurt?” she calls out.  “if you are don’t be afraid, I can help you.”  Nothing responds, but as soon as she makes it into a small clearing, the sight in front of her stops her advancement; a red dragon.

‘But dragons have all gone extinct,’ she ponders, ‘right?  Tch, clearly not unless my eyes are deceiving me.’  The dragon has frozen in place, lowering its head ready to attack if prompted.  Lucy puts her bag down and holds her hands out to show she is not a threat.  “I won’t hurt you,” softening her voice, “I promise.”

Scanning over the creature, it appears to be about 8 feet tall with the girth of a bull, wings folded down over its back, large claws on its feet, and a long snout.  But as she looks closer, the young girl can see a large wound to one of it’s wings.  Maybe it was attacked by another animal or possibly even poachers or hunters thinking they had lucked into such a rare and priceless find.  

“Please don’t be frightened,” still holding out her hands, she slowly inches her way towards it.  “My name is Lucy and I’m a healer, do you understand?”  Watching its reactions, the dragon stays hunched but still doesn’t move.  “I can fix your wing if you let me.”  Close enough now to touch it, she allows the dragon to smell her hands, it snorts, and lies all the way down.  “Thank you, Mr. Dragon, this might hurt at first, but I swear on my mother, you’ll be good as new in a few minutes.”

The dragon simply watches as the young girl utters a string of incantations and her hands start to glow.  As she lays them over the wound, it feels a slight burning, tingling sensation, and now the area around the wing begins to glow as well, the wound slowly closing-up.  She continues to mutter the strange language with her eyes closed until the injury is completely healed.  

Finally, she steps away, no longer glowing, “all better.”  Lucy smiles when the dragon sits up and stretches out the wing as if examining the leathery appendage.  It turns to her, is that a smile on its face?  But that’s the last thing she remembers thinking before passing out from the drain on her energy.  

When Lucy opens her eyes again, all she can see is darkness and feels something warm against her, or more like she is resting against a large warm body.  She narrows her eyes, trying to adjust to the conditions around her and after a couple minutes, they begin to focus.  A very dim illumination, possibly moonlight comes into view, telling the young woman it is already evening, and with that, an outline of the dragon she helped earlier finally confirms what she had assumed all along.

‘I must have passed out again,’ healing such a large magical creature must have taken more energy than she had expected, ‘and it brought me here?’  Looking around a little, ‘But where is here?  Oh no my belongings!’  Lucy tries to get up quietly, but the dragon wraps it’s tail around her keeping her close.  

“Look, thanks for watching over me when I fainted but I need to get my things, that bag had everything I own in this world.” The dragon snorts and points with one its claws near the entrance.  Lucy squints and sees the bag.  “Oh, thank God,” she breathes a sigh of relief.  “But really, could you please let me up?  I know it’s nighttime, but I need to find food, or I might pass out again.”  

Again, the dragon snorts but stands up. “Thank you,” she takes a step, but it blocks her path.  “What, I thought…” It taps the ground with it’s foot.  “I don’t understand…”  It pushes her back a couple feet with its tail and taps its foot on the ground a second time.  “You want me to stay?  But I need food…” Without another gesture, the dragon walks out of the cave.  ‘Great,’ Lucy thinks, ‘Well hopefully it comes back with something.’

While Lucy waits for the dragon to return, she grabs her bag and pulls it closer to where they were resting and searching through it’s contents, the young healer finds her glow wand; now at least she has some light.  She leaves the mouth of the cave and finds a dense pine forest surrounding it, and based on the temperature, it’s probably a little higher in the mountains than most would travel to.  She shivers and rubs her arms, maybe she should try to get a fire going?  

Searching through the brush and bushes, she grabs as many twigs and sticks as she can carry, hauling them back to the cave.  But getting a fire started is not exactly easy.  Because of the higher elevation, the foliage of the area is damp and all she is managing to produce is some smoke.  “Ugh!” she tosses the flints to the ground, opting to simply wrap herself up in a blanket until the dragon returns.

Luckily for the girl, that doesn’t take long; a rush of air into the cave signals its flighted return.  The dragon walks up to her and drops a nice sized hare at her feet.  “Wow, thanks…  But I can’t eat it raw.”  It snorts and picks the rabbit back up going to the entrance before dropping it and blows a stream of fire onto it, cooking it well.  “Awesome!” Lucy shrieks, “Can you help me with that too?” and points to her pile of sticks.  “So, I can see while I eat?”  The dragon obliges and easily sets it ablaze.  “Yay!” she throws her arms around its neck, “Thank you!”  

She’s a little surprised when the dragon turns its head and seems to nuzzle her back as she hugs it.  ‘It’s such a sweet dragon…’ she tightens her grip, ‘and to think all the stories said they were mean and that’s why humans wiped them out…’

When she lets go, the dragon simply goes back to lying down where it had been, so Lucy takes the rabbit and a knife from her bag, to remove the outer fur and skin.  It was nice and hot, “Mmm… so yummy,” she groans, “I haven’t had any meat since I left my village.”  The dragon simply watches her while she eats and talks…

“If your wondering why a young girl would be roaming through a forest unaccompanied, it’s because I ran away from home,” Lucy looks up from her food.  “I don’t even know why I’m telling you this, or if you can understand anything I’m saying but, it’s kinda nice to talk to someone and, I just have this strange feeling like I can trust you.”  

The dragon tilts its head slightly before resting it on the ground as if to say, continue.  “You see my father, he was pressuring me to marry some guy from a neighboring village that I’ve never met before, just so he could combine our clans.  I told him off.” She sighs, looking down at the ground, “My mother would have never allowed him to do it, but she died when I was little.  Ugh!  He treats me like some possession he can simply barter away, and to think I am his only child.  I mean what kind of parent does that?” Another sigh.  

“But anyways,” smiling again, “He can’t force me to do anything, I’m an adult whether he likes it or not and I have my own aspirations for my life and thanks to my mom, I’m stronger than he is.”  Lucy makes her hand glow, “I inherited her healing gifts when she died,” the glowing stops, “and her love of the stars.  Looking back at the dragon.  “One day, I’ll settle down, have children, but it will be on my terms, with whomever I fall in love with.”  She chuckles, “Maybe I’ll even catch me a Prince.”        

She throws the bones and scraps into the fire and walks over to the creature, sitting in front of it.    “Anyways, are you all alone?” staring into it’s emerald green eyes, “I’ve only heard legends about mean dragons before.”  Lucy leans back and smiles, “But you’re really nice, I’m glad I ran into you.”  With a big yawn, she stretches her arms above her head, “I guess I should get some sleep now that I’ve eaten.” Lowering her gaze, her voice softens, “You won’t leave me alone, will you?”  

Without a second of hesitation, the dragon reaches out with its front legs and scoops her up, placing her against it’s side before wrapping its tail around her too.  “Good night,” Lucy murmurs as she snuggles in, and the dragon curls its head, closing its eyes.  

The next morning, the dragon wakes up the sleeping blonde, nuzzling her with it’s snout.  She stretches and yawns with a smile, “Good Morning.”  It had been the most peaceful sleep she had had in a long time, maybe years.  

Standing and stretching a second time, now in the light of day she can see her surroundings better.  It had brought them to a simple cave, but based on some of the claw marks and compacted soils in some areas, it was no random cave.  

“Do you live here?” inquiring of the creature, “Is this your home?”  It shakes its head, no.  “You just come here a lot?”  The dragon looks down.  “So, if this isn’t your actual home, where would that be?”  It looks towards the cave entrance.  “Somewhere else?” Lucy asks.    

Prompting the young girl with its snout and tail, it pushes her towards it’s back.  “You want me to get on, your back?” she looks at the dragon.  Again, it’s tail prods her movement as if to say hurry up and get on.  “Alright,” she manages to climb up using its back leg as a step, and once on top she looks around for some way to hold on.  The scales around the top of its neck are tiled, it’s her best option.  “Please, don’t forget my things.”  Picking up the strap of her bag with its teeth it walks out of the cave and takes flight once clear.    

It soars high into the powder blue sky, heading towards the East.  “Wow!” she giggles, “This is so cool!”  To experience something that no human could dream of doing was amazing; she hugs his neck, “It feels so free up here…”  

As they travel, Lucy spends half of the time hugging to the dragon and the other watching the landscape pass under them.  It had taken them to a cave high in the mountains so as they descend, it flies over the forest, passes fields, and rivers, and a couple of small villages.  

But soon a large one comes into view.  “Isn’t that the capital?”  She had only been there once when her father wanted her to be eye candy for some potential commodity brokers.  “You live in Kelekona?!” asking again.  Of course, it can’t respond to her question, but the answer becomes clear when it heads directly for the palace.  

“Wait, there’s no way…”  ‘This dragon’s home is at the palace?!’  “…the palace is your home?!”

The dragon lands in one of the enclosed courtyards and as Lucy slides off, they are greeted by a palace guard.  “Ah, Natsu, you’ve returned.  King Igneel will be happy to see you.” Turning to Lucy who is nervously glued to his side, “and you’ve brought a guest,” the man grins, “Well, come in, you know where to find the King I’m sure,” and walks away.  

“N-natsu?” Lucy makes her way to the creature’s front, “Your name is Natsu?”  It blows out a puff of air.  She smiles, “At least I have a name to call you now.”

The young woman follows Natsu through the palace, simply amazed at the grand edifice.  Having grown up in a small village, such a large and stately place like this was worlds apart from what she knew.  But she was still curious about why they were here, was this dragon like a royal pet or something?  Palace staff greet the dragon when they pass by, even bowing to it like you would a royal guest and when they see her, many grin.  ‘Why are they looking at me like that?’ she wonders…

“Ah!  Natsu where have you been?” the king hugs the dragon.  “And who is this?” smiling at Lucy, “I have to say it’s a shock that Natsu brought a girl home.”

The young blonde blushes, “My name is Lucy, I sort of stumbled onto him when his wing was injured.”

The king frowns and shakes his head at the dragon who lowers its gaze, “Did you help him?”

“Yes,” she responds, “it took a lot out of me, but his wing is all healed.”

“Well, then,” King Igneel shakes her hand, “I am in your debt.  I don’t know what I would do if something happened to Natsu.”  The dragon snorts, or huffs as if it’s annoyed.  

“F-forgive me for asking but, how is it that a dragon lives in the palace?  He’s not some pet or anything because that would be wrong.”

King Igneel bellows with laughter, “No, no my dear,” he’s laughing so hard, his eyes are watery, “Natsu is just very special to me.”

“But…”

“Come,” the king grins and gestures for them to follow, “let me show you to a suite miss Lucy, you are welcomed to stay as long as you wish since Natsu seems to have taken a liking to you…”

The suite that King Igneel takes her to makes her heart jump, it’s bigger than her house back home!  “Are you serious?  I get to live, here?” she turns back to the King.  “But this is huge!”

The man laughs, “Well on one condition.”

“What’s that?”

“Technically, this is Natsu’s room, you’ll be sharing it with him.”

Lucy looks over to the dragon who has settled down near the bed and smiles.  “I don’t mind having Natsu for a roommate.”  

“Then it’s settled.  If you have any questions, please feel free to ask.  You are welcomed to anything here.  Servants will notify you before meals.  If you need to purchase anything just ask.” He looks at her bag, “and I have a feeling you will,” he taps his chin, “in fact I will send someone to take you shopping later.” He smiles and grins at the dragon, “I’m sure Natsu will like it when your dressed like a lady of this court.”  The dragon snorts and turns its head away.  Lucy blinks, if Natsu were human, she’d swear he was blushing right now.

“You’re too kind,” she bows to the king, “I don’t want to be a burden.”

“Nonsense,” he waves his hand, “Your healing skills will be a great addition to the palace staff as well.”  

Once the king has left, Lucy takes in the expansive room for herself.  It holds such beautiful furnishings, a large 4 poster bed, dripping with luxurious sheer draperies in reds and golds and the royal seal emblazoned on it’s headboard.  Matching nightstands, armoires, dressers, a gilded mirror, everything and more that you’d expect in a palace bedroom.  

There is an adjoining bath, and a walk-in closet half filled with men’s clothing and accessories.  ‘I wonder whose clothes these are…’ she ponders as she brushes her fingers against them.  Some every day wear but many are fit for a king, ‘or prince?’  And even more curious to her, the other half of the closet is empty as if they knew she was coming.  Lucy shakes her head, impossible, this is probably just an extra room they could let the dragon use while here since it was big enough.  

As her exploration of the room progresses, the young girls stomach begins to grumble reminding her she hadn’t eaten breakfast and it was almost lunch time.  Natsu, who had been watching her the whole time, perks up and walks over to her, nudging at her side.  

“Yeah, I am getting hungry again.” Lucy smiles at Natsu, who starts pushing her towards the door.  “What are you doing?  The king said a servant will be by to announce lunch, I can wait…”  But that doesn’t deter the dragon who continues to push.  Lucy plants her feet, “Natsu, stop it.  I-I don’t want to inconvenience….” Finally, the dragon blows out a puff of air and picks her up with its tail, and places her on its back. 

“Natsu,” she tries to slide off, but the tail holds her down, “This is embarrassing...”  Sure, it had been fun while they were flying and no one was really looking, but riding on the back of dragon, it was quite un-lady like.  Ignoring her pleas, Natsu saunters out of the room and heads to, she assumes the kitchen.  Down hallways and corridors, passing room after room.  Each time they encounter a staff member Lucy hides her face.  The young woman doesn’t know anyone yet and doesn’t want to be looked upon as strange.  

Eventually, the smells of food cooking reach her nose and she can’t help but salivate from whatever delicious aromas were beyond the doorway.  Natsu stops and lays down to make it easier for Lucy to slide off, then points with its snout to the door.  “Go in there?” she asks.  He pushes her gently with his snout.  “O-okay…”

With a little hesitation, Lucy walks into the bustling kitchen with Natsu now taking up the doorframe.  “Hello?” she calls out, “I-I was wondering…”

“Oh Hello!” a pretty young woman with white hair peeks her head out of a pantry door.  “You must be Lady Lucy, are you hungry?”  She walks out with a few loaves of bread in her arms.

“I’m sorry to bother you, but I guess my stomach doesn’t want to wait for lunch.”

“It’s no bother,” the woman puts her loaves on a counter.  “My name is Mira,” She smiles, “and my kitchen is always open.”  

“Thank you, Mira.  Um, how did you know who I was?”

“Oh,” she waves her hand and chuckles, “Word spreads quickly here, especially since it was Natsu who brought you.”  Mira looks over to the dragon.  “Are you hungry too?”  The dragon nods.  “He’s always hungry,” she whispers to Lucy, “I’ll whip you up something, Natsu be a dear and take Lucy to the smaller dining room.”

“I can help you Mira…”

“No, no,” she guides the blonde back to the door, “just follow Natsu, it won’t take me long.”

“Thank you again, Mira.”

“You are very welcome.”

After lunch, the King sent her with his seamstress, tailor, and a couple others with instructions that Lucy be given a full makeover, fit for life as a courtier.  Armfuls of dresses so lavish the young woman couldn’t believe they were considered simple day wear, shoes, undergarments, anything a young lady would need; and this was just to get her started.  The seamstress and tailor took her measurements for more custom attire.  A jeweler furnished beautiful earrings, necklaces, rings, and bracelets, to match the clothing.  And finally, her hair was revitalized, done up, make up applied and Lucy simply didn’t look like the same girl anymore.  

“Wow!” she shifted from side to side in the mirror, “Is that really me?”

“Tch,” Aquarius the seamstress snickers, “Who else would it be?  Just be grateful to King Igneel.”

“Oh, I am,” Lucy beams, “But thank you all, Mr. Capricorn, Mr. Cancer, and most of all Ms. Aquarius!  I feel like I’m in a fairytale!”

Capricorn, “Lady Lucy, I will escort you back to the palace while they finish up here.  Everything will be delivered to your room by dinner.”

“Okay,” she follows the tall, stately gentleman out, “Thanks again!” she waves at the other two.

But when they reach the palace, Lucy sees a quaint garden and asks to wander through, so Capricorn nods and heads back to the seamstress.  Such a peaceful area, with pathways, and statues, small streams and bridges, benches scattered around, even a couple gazebo’s.  ‘Maybe one evening I’ll come out here to star gaze…’

Lucy didn’t realize that the garden was just below her room, and when Natsu caught wind of her scent he looked over the balcony, watching her meander along the paths.  She was almost back where she started when a palace guard stepped out from under a tree.  “Hello gorgeous.”  The orange-haired man saunters up, “Your loveliness fits in well to such a picturesque scene,” and kisses her hand.

‘Oh, brother’, she rolls her eyes, “And you are?”

“Leo,” he bows, “at your service anytime, day or night,” he winks.  

“Well Mr. Leo it was nice meeting you, but I should go.”

“What’s the rush,” Leo closes the gap between them, until she can literally feel his breath against her skin.  Tipping her head up, “Do you…”

A whoosh of air and a thud startles them as Natsu lands at her side and physically pushes the man back.  The dragon growls low, protective over the girl.  “Natsu!” Lucy clings to his neck happy to be saved from the pervert.  

“Hey!” Leo puts his hands up in defense, “Sorry I didn’t know she meant that much to you Natsu.”  He backs away, “Won’t bother her again, I promise.”  Natsu snorts at the back-peddling guard.  

“I’m so glad you’re here!” Lucy snuggles her face into Natsu’s neck and he nuzzles her back.  “So,” she steps back and twirls for him, “How do I look?” Natsu nuzzles her face again.  She giggles, “I take that as you like it?”  he snorts.  “Yeah me too.”

True to his word, everything they had purchased that day was stocked in her closet by dinner and two servants named Aries and Virgo were assigned to her.  “My goodness, this is all too much!” Lucy whines as they dress and get her ready for dinner.  “I’m not a Princess, why is the King being so kind to me?  I-I’m really no more special than any other staff member.”  Her eyes widen, “He doesn’t fancy me, does he?!”

“No miss,” Aries assures her, “The King has his Queen and you will meet Grandeeney tonight.”

Lucy exhales, “That’s a relief.  But then why is he doing all of this?”

Virgo, “Natsu is…” she looks at Aries for a second as confirming her words before turning back to Lucy, “special to the king and since Natsu brought you here, that makes you special too.”

The healer scans over to the dragon who has suspiciously turned its head away, as if to avoid looking at her, “What does that even mean?”

Aries, “I’m sorry miss but we cannot say, perhaps you should ask the King.”  

“Yeah,” Lucy swears she hears Natsu sigh, “I think I will…”

After a private dinner with the King, Queen, and their daughter, Princess Wendy, Lucy requests to speak with the two royals alone.  Natsu, who had curled up near her chair looks up when they lead her to an adjoining parlor.  The royals sit on one couch and Lucy is gestured to another facing it.  

She starts off by thanking them for all their hospitality but, “I mean no disrespect by this, but I don’t understand why I am being treated so well.  I am a commoner, no noblewoman or royal, and yet to be dressed like a courtier, be given servants, it’s all too much.”

The King laughs, “I’ve never seen someone complain about being pampered before.”

Lucy flushes, “I’m sorry, I-I didn’t mean for it to sound that way,” bowing her head, “everyone has been so kind to me and I really haven’t done anything to deserve such special treatment.”

“On the contrary my dear,” Grandeeney responds, “Natsu feels you are special and therefore so do we.”

“But, still, I don’t want to be a burden, I-I’ve only known how to work to survive, not be catered to.” Exhale, “This lifestyle is very different than what I am used to.”

King Igneel, “I told you earlier, we will call upon you if your healing abilities are needed, besides, keeping Natsu company, and if you can keep him from wandering away from here, that would be a blessing.”

“Yes,” Grandeeney adds, “We always worry when he goes off on his own.  He may be a dragon, but he is young and reckless, often getting into mischief.”

“I guess I can do that.  May I ask, how long have you known Natsu?”

“Since he was born, oh, 22 years now.”

Lucy giggles, “He’s only a year older than me!”    

“Speaking of which,” Grandeeney looks over to the door, “I believe we should finish this conversation before he gets any more anxious from your absence.”

The young woman follows the Queens eyes and sees the tip of a snout peeking past the doors frame.  She chuckles, “Natsu?  We can see you.”  He sticks his head around the frame now.  Lucy waves him over and he quickly bounds in, excited.  She stands up and walks over to him, hugging his neck, “Awe did you miss me?” he nuzzles her back.

King Igneel smiles at his wife before turning his attentions to the pair.  “He’s never warmed up to a stranger so quickly, Lucy you truly have an effect on him.”

“All I did was heal a wound,” she smooths the skin around his muzzle and snout, “He’s the one whose taken care of me ever since.”  Smiling, she leans her cheek against his and closes her eyes for a moment.  

“It had drained a lot more of my energy than I had expected to fix his wing, so I passed out.  Natsu took me to a cave and watched over me until I woke up.  He caught a rabbit so that I could eat, kept me warm until morning, and now,” she opens her eyes again, “brought me here to you, wonderful people.  It is I, that is in his debt.”

Grandeeney, “Will you tell us a little more about yourself Lucy, why were you out in the woods alone?”

She sighs, “I was running away from my village.”  Giving one more caress to Natsu’s face, she goes back and sits on the couch while he lies down and waits.  “My father wanted me to marry a man to further his own agenda and I refused, but I could only fight back for so long, so, I ran a week ago.” looking over at the attentive dragon, “And that’s when I came across Natsu.  I have no idea how he got his injury, but it was bad enough that he wouldn’t be able to fly.”  

Grandeeney shoots the dragon a look that makes him turn away, like a child getting scolded by a parent.  “I worry that my father will find me and try to make me go home.”

“That won’t happen.” King Igneel declares in no uncertain terms, “as long as you are here, you are under our protection.”

“Thank you.” Lucy smiles

“No, thank you Lucy,” Grandeeney, “for bringing Natsu home to us…”

Aries and Virgo help Lucy out of the binding formal dress so she can take a bath before bed.  Virgo even scolds Natsu, warning him that he better not peek.  He huffs and turns away.  Lucy finds the exchange odd, I mean he is a dragon not a man, but she puts it out of her mind.

It had been a long day for her, and when she hits the soft bedding, her eyes drift shut ready for sleep to take her away, and yet it doesn’t.  She opens her eyes, letting them fall on the dragon curled up beside the bed, remembering the peaceful slumber she had the night before.  

Lucy grabs a pillow and comforter and snuggles herself against his warm body, “Good Night Natsu…”

~~~xx~~~

It’s been almost a full year since Natsu had brought Lucy to Kelekona but to her, it was like a lifetime ago.  She had met so many people and made so many friends not only in the palace but in the city that time had simply flown by unnoticed.  Some of the closest was a girl named Levy who loved reading about as much as Lucy did, Gray, Erza, Cana, Yukino; just too many to name.  

But nothing topped the close bond that she and Natsu had developed.  From the moment they met, the pair was inseparable, and the only times he left the city walls, was if Lucy was with him.  She loved it when he took her flying, especially at night, and sometimes he’d land on a high mountain peak, so she could stargaze.

Even when it came to bedtime, Lucy rarely slept on the bed, opting to cuddle against her dragon instead.  Something about him made her feel relaxed, safe, and dare she say it, loved.  Anytime they were around other people, he was very protective, especially when it came to males.  Leo had only been the first to witness such a display of territorialism, but he wasn’t the last, and a few didn’t walk away unscathed.  

She didn’t always like it when he acted aggressively, and she’d end up using her healing abilities to make sure there was no lasting damage, but at the same time, it made her heart flutter, like the knight protecting his beloved.  Her life was so blissful, the reason that triggered this adventure had already become a distant memory.

Until the message came.  

Natsu was out getting food again while Lucy relaxed in their room with a book when a servant brought her a letter addressed to her but with no sender.  Curious, she opens it and immediately the tears burst forth, her father was demanding she come home or he will send mercenaries to kidnap her the moment she leaves the palace grounds.

The letter flutters from her hand to the ground as she covers her face, sobbing hysterically.  How could he be so cruel?  Would he really send thugs to kidnap her?  Every fiber of her being screamed yes, so what should she do?  Should she tell the King?  

Just then Natsu comes running in, did he hear her cries, did he smell her tears?  Lucy flings herself on him, hugging to his neck.  Oh, how she wished he could talk!  But that’s okay, she was doing plenty of her own, broken and muffled through her sobs, but the emotions poured out like a broken fountain.  

“He says he’ll have me kidnapped, I-I can’t go back, I just can’t!  But what do I do, I can’t hide forever.” Her grip around Natsu tightens, “and I don’t want to be separated from you…”  He nuzzles her back.  “God, I wish you could talk, I wish you could tell me it’ll be alright.  I know if I’m with you I’ll be safe but just to hear it…” Lucy slumps to her knees.  “…would make me feel better.”  

The dragon paces for a few minutes as if it’s contemplating what to do.  She doesn’t know it but Natsu understands everything and it’s killing him that he can’t pull her tight and tell her what she wants to hear.  He wants to soothe her pain.

“Natsu?”  the dragon stops and walks back to her.  “If something happens,” she caresses his cheek, “and they do take me away…” he struggles, agitated by just the thought of men taking her from him.  “Natsu,” she cups his snout, “stop.”  Putting on a forced smile, “you made me so happy, that no matter what, I will always love you.”

Lucy kisses his nose and seals their fates forever.

A soft iridescent glow covers the dragon, envelopes his whole body in a serene aura.  Concerned, she reaches out to touch him, “N-Natsu?”  When her finger tips make contact with his skin, a jolt of energy surges through the blonde and she pulls back in shock, not from pain, she felt no malice, only the opposite; the emotion she felt in that rush was love, pure, and unending.  

Right before her eyes, the dragon’s body transforms, shrinking, elongating, changing.  The form of a human male begins to take shape, curled slightly on the ground, taller than she, muscular, lightly tanned smooth skin, pink spiky hair on his head and a few on his body…  Lucy is mesmerized and a little mortified at the naked guy lying at her feet.  She blushes and grabs the comforter off the bed, covering the man’s lower half.

As the transformation completes itself, the glow also subsides, “N-Natsu?” her voice trembling a little, she kneels and reaches out to his shoulder, “N-Natsu?”

“Lu…cy…” a weakened voice, barely a whisper comes out of him.  

“Natsu, is that you?” When he opens his eyes, she is greeted with the emerald jewels she’s come to know well.  “Natsu, that is you!  T-this is you!”  Throwing off her concerns she hugs him to her chest.  “Natsu!!” she cries, but tears of joy, “Oh my goodness!”

“Lucy…” he hugs her back, snuggling his face against her neck.  “Please don’t cry for me.”

“But I’m happy!” she tightens her embrace, “I can’t help it,” sniffling, “But, what the hell is going on?!”

He releases her and sits up, running his hand through his hair, “Well,” he grins, “Surprise?”

“Don’t surprise me mister, how did you go from a dragon to this?” she waves her hand at him.  “Although now things are making more sense to me, this really is your room, the clothes in the closet are your clothes.”  He nods.

“Two years ago, a wizard cursed me because I played a practical joke on him.  I thought it was funny as hell, and at first being a dragon was cool but, then it got lonely.”  Lucy sits down as he continues.  “I couldn’t talk to anybody, people were afraid of me…  eventually I started to stay away for longer and longer…”

“In that cave?”

He nods, “By the time you found me I didn’t care if I died, I just wanted to stop being so alone.  But then you weren’t afraid, you helped me despite what I was…” tears form in the corners of his eyes, “for the first time in those two years, I didn’t feel alone anymore.”

“Oh Natsu,” tears threaten to spill again.  She hugs him, “But why did you change back now?”

“We can answer that.”  The couple turns to the door way and see the King and Queen.  Igneel smiles, “the only way to break the curse was for Natsu to find love.”  

“True Love,” beams Grandeeney.  “The only magic more powerful than any curse.”

Natsu turns Lucy’s chin towards him, “I guess when you said you loved me, that broke the spell.”

“S-So, you really are a Prince?” she looks at him, then to the royals as they all nod.  

Grandeeney smiles at her as Igneel squeezes her waist, “I’m sorry we couldn’t tell you the truth my dear, but we had to let things happen on their own and hope for the best.”

“No wonder everyone always smiled or grinned at me,” she turns back to Natsu, “you all were hoping this would happen?”

Natsu’s eyes soften, “I fell in love with you since that cave Luce, and yes, I hoped that one day, you would feel the same way about me despite the form I held.”

Her eyes soften too, “I guess we both saved each other that day, huh?” caressing his cheek.  

“Oh, I’m not done yet.” The light in his eyes flash, “Dad, Lucy’s father is threatening to kidnap her.”

“He what!” Igneel bellows, “What fool dares to threaten someone in my court?!”  

Lucy had almost forgotten about the message, “H-he sent a letter saying he’d have me kidnapped and will force me into an arranged marriage.”

Igneel begins to shout again, “I will send…”

But Natsu waves his hand, “That’s not necessary dad, I have a better idea.”  Everyone looks at him confused as he turns to Lucy and takes her left hand.  “Marry me Lucy, be my Princess, my wife, my future queen and your father will have no choice to back off or it will be treason; surely he is not that big of a fool?”

Lucy blinks, “Me, a-a Princess?”

He grins, “Don’t forget future queen, I am the heir to the throne.”

“And I’d like to retire someday.” Igneel throws in taking a jab to his side by his wife.  “What?  Just saying…” he laughs.

“Then yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes!” Lucy kisses Natsu on the lips, “I love you.”

Leaning his forehead to hers, “I love you too.”

Igneel clears his throat, “Now that, that is settled I’ll be sending a letter to your father informing him of your engagement to the Prince and that if he dares to get in the way he will be thrown in the dungeon.  As for you two, congratulations, and please son, put some clothes on.”  Lucy’s face grows crimson.

Natsu looks down, and laughs, “I forgot I was naked.”

“We’ll let everyone know you’re back,” his mom smiles, “How about a ball in your honor?  Ooh, an engagement ball!” Igneel starts to lead her away shaking his head but with a smile on his face, “I’m going to get Mira on that right away…”

“I’ll leave you alone, so you can change,” Lucy stands up to walk away, but he grabs her hand and yanks her into his lap.  “Natsu what are you…”

“After a year I finally get to hold you in my arms Luce, so you’re not going anywhere just yet.”

“Mmm,” she kisses him, “That’s fine with me…”

[umnachtung]

survey stealing prof at the lose again

questions taken from @in-love-with-a-trans-girl

A

Achievements: Got higher education, studied Game Design and graduated with very good results. Haven’t done a murder yet, that’s good, right?

Age: 28 goblin years

Are you planning something right now? planning a painting for my parent’s bed room, surviving the current pandemic. loosey gooesy planning on getting a job??

Arizona or Alaska: both got cool landscape. I’m probably more likely to enjoy Alaska climate tho.

B

Birthdate: 3rd of March, 1993

Build: average height, sturdy(?)

Babies, do you have any? Does my cat count?

Blonde or Brunette: I’m naturally blonde but dye my hair a lot. <- same

C

Childhood sweetheart: thats too straight for me.

Current mood: Okay? Trying to wake up properly still.

Children, are there more in your future? More cats, probably. And mind children, aka original characters for drawing and roleplaying. I don’t see myself as an actual parent.

Coke or Pepsi: neither. I don’t drink that.

D

Dad’s name: Andreas.

Dating anyone: Nay.

Do you plan on having lots of money? Not planning on but wouldn’t it be nice?!

Dogs or cats: cats. dogs are cute too, tho.

E

Elementary School: the start  of getting bullied

Eye color: Green <- same

Ever going to China? probably not.

Early or Late: Late.

F

First Crush: My BFF, I guess?

Fears: heights, phone calls and emails, embarrassing myself, failure, no progress and being stuck in life

Future goals: move out, get a job, and stop being so fuckin’ emo

Funny or Serious: Alas I am a clown.

G

Grandparent’s names: I don’t remember, but my dad’s mom was refered to as Oma Katze.

GPA: 2,4 in Abitur, but who cares? it’s a freakin number.

Going anywhere this weekend?  Maybe to a friend’s place to give her something.

Giver or Taker: Both. Life has to be balanced. <- agreed

H

High School: Lord have Mercy and Jesus take the Wheel.

Hair color: dark red, done with henna.

Hate anyone for life? Anyone who hurt and wronged my friends.

Hairspray or Gel: Pomade because I’m a 50s rocknroll boy.

I

In 8th grade, who was your best friend? Selena and Abelina

Is ignorance bliss? Sometimes?

Is there anything you wanna share? I would love to share rich people’s money with the rest of the world.

Ice Cream or Cake: Cake.

J

Jumped rope for fun: As a kid, yes. IDK if I still know how to do it.

Junk around you right now? The usual desk clutter, also my trash bin?

Joining anything anytime soon? Not that I am aware of.

January or July: January if there is proper snow. July if it is not too hot.

K

Killed anyone: Only with my killer jokes.

Keeping a secret? Ain’t we all?

Kicking someone off your top friends today? What is this? a USA High School Drama?

Kiwi or Apple: Kiwi.

L

Lost anyone close to you: Not really. My cat was probably the closest thing dear to me that I ever lost. R.I.P. Kaveri <3 <- same, RIP Nera

Last kiss, when and who: IDFK. It’s been 87 years

List 3 people that you’ll love forever: Nicole, Rhoda, Abelina I supposeee? 3 is not enough lmao.

Lover or Fighter: I will kick your ass, I will kick my own ass.

M

Middle School: Jesus took the Wheel.

Marital Status: None of your business.

Mom’s name: Allexandra

Music or TV: Music, what is this the early 2000s?

N

Northernmost state you’ve been to: Ostsee/ Nordsee. :,D

Nickname: Toni, Prof

Name your future boy and girl: Felix or Caspar, Sam(antha) or Artemis(?)

Naughty or Nice: Bastard wi th a cause.

O

Opened a piece of mail that wasn’t yours? Yeah, but it’s usually like, advertisment stuff for my parents and nothing personal.

Occupation: disgusting unemployed parasite who doesnt contribute to society and capitalism, aka artist.

Owe anyone money: Don’t believe so.

Outgoing or Shy: Depends on the person.

P

Place you most want to be? Anywhere in nature, away from the city. Preferable near water.

Purposely destroyed someone’s life? Waste of time and energy tbh.

Planning a major trip? Nope. It’s pandemic time, baby.

Pink or Black? Black. <- same

Q

Quit a class: Does only showing up to the final exam count?

Quickly…the first word to come to mind: Help

Quitting your job soon? No job to quit here.

Quiet or Loud: Quiet. <- yas, queen

R

Riding in an airplane: Annoying as fuck. There is nothing to do and you cant really get up and moving.

Ride, tell me about yours: public transport is my steed.

Running for any political office in the future? Running them over with my public transport steed.

Rain or Snow: Snow. <- heck yay

S

Siblings names and ages: Mona, 29

Shoe size: EU 39 <- same

Shave daily? nope.

Shower or Bath: Bath, can’t really shower comfortable in the bathroom here.

T

Turning 21 was (will be): I don’t even remember that year.

Texas, ever been? No, not interested tbh.

Think you’ll live to be 100? no.

Tame or Wild: Depends on who you ask.

U

Unique quality about you: Uhhhhhh....idk.

Underwear on? Yeah, it’s too cold to go comando.

Under your bed lies: A portion of my room.

Under or Over: I take the ground below you.

V

Virgin? Protip: stay one so you have access to virgin blood for your rituals.

Vacation time left? lol

Voting in the next Presidential election? No president where I live. <- same but gonna vote in the next election

Volleyball or Swimming: Swimming!!!! <3 <3 <- same, let me live my wet dreams

W

Went white water rafting? That looks dangerous.

Wearing right now: PJs, pink-green striped t shirt and green flower pattern lounge pants

Write a sentence about you: Toni transports thousands of trolls through the training track.

West Coast or East Coast: Weizentoast.

X

X-Rays in the past month: I think my jaw at the dentist?

X-Mas plans: NO, ITS TO EARLY: PLEASE STOP.

X, does it mark the spot? On Maps probably.

X-Tina or Britney? Christina has better songs imo. Wish Britney could do what she wanted in life tho.

Y

You lost “it” when? I am about to fuckin’ lose it every second now. 

Your favorite song: Tool - Parabola

Your favorite place on Earth: Not been to enough places yet.

Yes or No: No.

Z

Zodiac Sign: Pisces

Zippos are neat, agree? Yes.

Zoo or Circus: Zoo.

[iammarylastar]

1. Father and son.

“You’re doing this damn wrong!”

He yanks the fishing rod from his son’s hands and starts reeling the hooked fish back, lifting and pulling on the rod.

“That fucker is a big one.” He grunts, fighting with Jack’s catch, finally pulling it out of the water.

Jack has the net ready to pick up the fish, but John unhooks the wiggling fish, fighting for its life and throws it back to the river.

“What’s the point with catch and release?” Jack asks, pretty pissed off to see their possibly dinner swimming away. They’re good for another awful undrinkable instant soup tonight.

“The point is to spend time together, not to kill innocent fish.”

Jack sighs heavily, that father-and-son week-end in the middle of nowhere, stuck with the man who fathered him but was more a ghost than a dad, is turning into the worst idea of the century. As promised.

“Like you would give a shit. How many bad guys have you killed by now?” He snorted.

“You yourself just said. They were bad guys. Those fish did nothing wrong. ”

Jack nods his head no, giving up.

“Well … What’s next? Did you plan to massage my feet or something?” He mocks.

“This is what the girls planned. We’re men. We will down some beers and have a talk.” John says, like there’s something they’re used to.

Jack grabs two beers from the cooler and throws one to his father. He somehow would rather share the spa with his mother and sister than having a talk with his so called father.

“A talk? Since when do we talk?” Jack laughs.

“I know, we’re not a very talkative family. But at least we could try.” John says with hope.

“I often talk to Lucy and Ma. But… sounds weird to speak with you.” Jack admits.

“Come on Jack, don’t be shy to me. What’s up?” John asks.

“Nothing new. The usual.”

That lame attempt to line up more than 3 words sounds ridiculous and not natural at all.

“Great.” John says, sipping his beer. That’s a good beginning. They never have shared so much.

A weird and uncomfortable silence settles down between the two men.

“Great, right.” Jack concludes, downing half of his beer.  He could make it. Glancing at his watch, he quickly does his maths. 36 more hours and he would be free from this stupid tentative of reconciliation. If he manages to over sleep till noon tomorrow, the countdown would go faster.

“You live in a house?” John inquires.

“A flat. I’m away most of the time, remember?” Jack answers sarcastically.

“Safe exit? Outdoor stairs clear? Easy access to the roof top?” John questions.

“John… Beat it.” He suddenly regrets skipping to buy cigarettes. He doesn’t smoke but he thought it could be a good occasion to start. He needs a smoke right now.

“Any girlfriend waiting for you at home?

“Really? John you’re not ready for such a conversation.”

“Fuck off! Son, I’m your dad. I’m ready for worse than talking about your damn girlfriend! I saved your little ass more than once in Russia. Don’t you want to open your heart to your old father before he dies? ”

Jack wishes he was dead. Open his heart to his dad? Why not. But this dad? Bullshit!

“As I said, I’m away most of the time. Not the right job to get a girl.”

“I did. I got a wife and a family. If I could do it, anyone could.” John shows off.

“Yeah, teach me some tips… How manynominations for the Father of the year award did you get?” He snaps.  This silly heart-to-heart talk is turning sour; how could it be otherwise?

“I did my best! Do you think it’s easy to be at home pampering or having your homework done whilst running after dangerous rascals?” John argues, his voice reaching its highest perchedsignature.

“Yippee-kay-yay motherfucker. That’s why I won’t have a family. Don’t wanna take the risk to waste other lives but mine.” Jack snarls before emptying his beer in a huge gulp.

“Are you kidding me? You don’t want to raise a family? You can’t be serious!”

“I have thought about it more than once. There’s no better option.”

“So I have fathered an idiot. Building a family is the best thing I ever did in my whole life.”

“If I may… the family patterns I grew up in really cured me of. There is nothing more I want than not being the father you were. You still are.”

“Dammit Jack. You’re whining again. He pauses, downing his beer then asks "Have I been such a bad father?

"You can’t imagine. The worst of the worst.” If he wants to talk, then Jack will tell him the truth.

“I think that’s a little bit of an exaggeration…” John starts.

“John! You sucked. You still suck. You pretend to know me, but you don’t.” John chuckles, ready to prove his point.

“When is my birthday then? You missed the latest 26th.” Jack cuts him off.

“I know exactly when you were born! Molly called me on her way to the hospital; I was speed chasing that guy who robbed the Bank of N.Y. I remember it like it's yesterday, it was a thursday, around June. It was hot as hell outside. ”

“Nice try.” Jack laughs.“I was born in January, the first day of Winter. It was a Monday and it was snowing. You blew up half of Manhattan, and ended up in the middle of the fire you lit, throwing a match too close to some wrecked cars.”

“Yes, that day was exhausting, I needed a smoke. And the fire was to celebrate your birth.” John remembers.

“Which you missed.” Jack glares at his father.

“Yeah, right. But at least I caught the guy …”

“He has been luckier than me then.” Jack whispers.

“Your mom was very upset at me when I arrived at the hospital.”

“Yeah she still is. "Jack chuckles.” You were covered with blood, your clothes torn and half burned and you were yelling like a bear at the nurses to let you in.“

"I wanted to see you. My son.” MacLane leans forward, elbows on his knees.

“Are you going to put on the sob act,  aren’t you? I beg you, don’t…”

Jack is not ready to hear his father to open his heart to him. Definitely not. The emotions turn makes him uncomfortable. He thinks for a second he would need a hug. From his mom, who else?

Jack fiddles the corner of the label of his empty beer, then shyly spits out.

“There was this girl… I dated for months… about 5 years ago.”

Shade.

“She…” he fights to say the words.  “She made me want to drop everything and settle down with her. You know… like she was the one. We even talked about starting a family but…” he doesn’t finish his sentence.

“What? What happened?”

“She let me down. She left and I’ve never heard from her since.”

John drops his empty bottle and grabs two new beers out of the cooler.

“She didn’t tell you why?” He -for once- sounds compassionate, and hands the cool beer to his son.

“Nope.” He sighs. “When I went back home, she was gone. She tore my whole wardrobe, crushed my TV and my heart in pieces. End of story.”

“Little slut. She didn’t deserve you.” He drinks a sip and goes on.  “Went back from what?”

“A mission. The day I planned to propose to her, I was sent on a mission to Germany.”

“Shit! How long were you gone?”

“About 5 months.” Jack’s voice turns sad at the memory.  She ruined his love.

“You gave news?”

“You know the rules, John. No calls, no mails, no tracks. The mission first.”

“For God’s sake, are you dumb? I knew I fucked up with you as a father,  but you’re way more stupid than I thought.” John scolds his damn son.

“What?” Insults are not what he needs.

“You have left your girl for 5 fucking months? Nearly engaged? With no news? And you dare to say she broke your heart?”

“Because she broke it! I was crazy in love with her and she just… FUCK!” Jack throws his bottle which smashes on a rock. “Drop it. Gimme another beer. No chance you brought stronger drinks?”

“Nah. Your mother made me swear we stay sober.” John shoves his hand in the inside pocket of his jacket and gives his son a flask of whiskey. “She told me I better bring you back in one piece or I’m gonna be in heap big troubles.”

Jack grabs the whiskey and takes a sip, frowning as the amber liquid burns his throat.

“Troubles do know you, don’t they?” He chuckles.

“Fuck they do. So you were in love son?” John inquires.

“Yeah… I’m still wondering why she didn’t wait for me.” He scratches the back of his neck.

“Smart ass. Women will never understand what we do for a living. But what did you expect? It’s like you left her at the altar…”

“She knew my job. She was a cop herself. CIA. Special agent. We met on a mission. And if I remember correctly you did that to mom.” Jack mocks.

“I went to my wedding. Late but on time to say ‘I do!’.”

“Yeah. Mom told me about that. You were pretty late and not fit for a bride.”

“A cop! I bet things worked well between the two of you!” John focuses the subject on his son.

“Fireworks. She had a strong personality. Like mom.” Jack admits.

“McLanes are meant to date bitches, right?”

Jack reaches his beer out, waiting for his dad to cling his own. “Cheers, man. To strong women we loved and messed up with!”

“Cheers!” He bangs the beers together.“What’s that man thing? What happened to dad and John?”

“They’re obsolete. You’re growing old,  man.”

A cell Phone chirps in the bag that lays between the two men. Jack rushes on his knee and grabs his Phone.

“McLane?” He answers. He listens carefully,  nodding his head and humming yes to the speaker.

“OK. I’ll be there in a couple of hours.” He says, before grabbing his bag.

“Sorry John. Urgent call. I have to go back to my office.” He seems released to live his love life there, along with that stupid week-end.

“A mission?” He stands up and starts to gather their shits.

“Yeah. I’m summoned. Too bad for the fish. Let’s pack up and go. You’ll tell me where to drop you off.”

John stares at his offspring and utters.

“Who said you have to drop me anywhere? I go with you. Nobody will waste my father-and-son week-end.”

“But dad! ” Jack objects.

“Dad is back! ” he laughs. “As your dad I want to go with you. Last time we worked together was so much fun!” He walks towards the pickup and throws the fishing stuff in the back.

“You won’t get rid of me son. McLanes are back!”

“Shit.” Jack whispers. “OK! Let’s go ruin someone’s life then.”

Cover by Nancy. @jaihardy @bookwarm85 @kenzieam @oddsnendsfanfics @frecklefaceb @badassbaker @beautifulramblingbrains @societalfailure @jaicourtneyseyes @jaicourtneyforever @kiiiimberlyriiiicker1995 @red-diary @captstefanbrandt

@angaleswannawearmyredshooz

[irastayshome]

Ibrahim's birth

Ibrahim arrived in this world on 21st January 2017. Back then, we were lucky to afford a doula because I was hella nervous about the whole birthing process and tbh my head wasnt in the game because of all the stress at work. After the 'hard part' was over, and as I held my son, I vividly remember my doula saying that the easy part was over and the hard part of being a parent has just begun. I thought it was a joke at the time because, well, what could be harder than pushing a 3 kg baby out of your vagina? 2 yrs and 6mths on, I have mentally kicked myself in the head for taking my doula's words lightly. These days, I consider it a win when I do not raise my voice or completely lose my sh** and raise my hands at my son. I keep needing reminders of what it took to get him into this world and the many moments we failed him along the way so that I do not be complacent and mistreat him.

So I thought I might write his birth story down after all. Didn't really wanna remember all the details of something that feels rather insignificant now, but some days at home are just rough and a good reminder is useful.

*

19 January 2017. I had been on maternity leave for a week, but only just completed my case transfers from home. My mamamia had been insisting that I sleep over her place once a week for the last trimester on Hasyali's night shifts. I didnt mind at all, because my r/s with my parents have improved significantly after moving out. Distance is truly necessary sometimes.

It finally dawned upon me that I was due in a week. Being last minute as I always am, I tried to 'catch up' on the squats that my doula/birth educator had been reminding us to do at 9 pm. But really, i was just doing it for fun cause like it would make any difference at 39 weeks, esp since ive been treating my body like crap while handing over my work the last few weeks. Planned to youtube more exercises to speed up labour etc etc but fell into the rabbit hole of "natural birth positions" and "painfree birth vlogs" and before I knew it, I was hooked on the Midwives yt tv series till i fell asleep at 5 am. Damn youtube.

20th January 2017. 7 am. Felt like I ate something so bad and had to do a big one. And so I did, groggily, and went back to sleep. Feeling so smug that I could finally sleep in on a weekday. 9 am. What is going on with my bowels??? Tried to recall what I ate last night, but dont care just sleep after the business. 10.30 am. Sat up and mentally admitted that those horrid pains at the bottom of my tummy could actually be contractions! Trying to keep cool, I ate breakfast quickly, trying to mask my ronyok face each time the tightenings came by because nyayi was there and I just did not wanna tell my family. pretty sure they would have shipped me off to the hospital immediately.

Took cab back at 12.30pm and smsed hubs about the contractions, saying it could potentially be the real thing. But not sure, so I timed them in the cab. 10 mins apart. regular. oh crap its happening. Got home, discovered the bloody show. So yup i got my confirmation. Smsed hubs a photo of it but told him to just take it easy, go solat Jumaat and just slowly pack his bag aftee. He just got off his night shift so he probably hasnt slept at all. Told doula Kak Hajjar about whats going on, and was advised to just relax and walk2 until i cant talk anymore from the pain. Hubs came back, and i took off on a birth walk alone around the estate. Every few mins, I just stopped and breathed deeply, sorely regretting not pestering my hubs to come along bcoz adoi sakit and nothing to squeeze or hold on to. and in the 3 pm sun no less.

Came back, started panicking when i realised hubs belum pack!! what is it with men and last minute packing?? feeling annoyyed bcoz im about to do some serious work but he cant even get started on packing. but ok takpe, got in the shower to cool down and to relieve the pain while he packed. Contractions were now 4 mins apart, but I could still talk. NUH told me to come in now. Doula told me to wait till i cant talk. The kancong me decided to go anyway, worried about the rush hour jam on the start of a weekend.

Arrived at NUH at 6 pm, realising that id skipped lunch. I was hungry, and oh no so damn sleepy bcoz i barely slept the night before! Damn youtube. Ate mr bean pancake with hubs. Met doula who told.me i dont look like its time bcoz i could talk and joke about. I admit i secretly thought that it was because i had a high tolerance for pain hahahaha joke. Entered the delivery ward at 7 pm, was 4 cm dilated. Yay! but wait what, all that pain and only 4 cm? oh no.

So began the longest night of my life. Doulla massaged my back and did hip squeezes through contractions, and I occasionally swayed while standing with hubs. These two were just incredible birth partners. My labour pains were rough at the front, but damn the back labour pains were friggin insane! Felt like maybe I had tentacles trying to burst out of my spine and turn into Doc Ock.

At some point, i remember just saying random supplications and feeling so regretful that i had not rehearsed what selawats I wanted to read in those moments bcoz my head was really jammed up trying to manage the pain. By 3 am my body felt like it had gone through a marathon and i really did fall asleep between contractions out of sheer exhaustion. It was exhausting to just tahan the pain.

By 4 ish am (hazy on the details by now), a VE confirmed I was 9 cm dilated. At this point I was already vomitting and my head hurt so much from tahaning the pain. I remembered thinking, or maybe even saying out loud, that I wanted them to cut the baby out. Im pretty sure I was transitioning at that point but I didnt know bcoz my mind was too panicky. They told me the head was still too high to push, so they offered to burst my waterbag, but said theres no assurance it would bring the head down but wld certainly intensify the contractions. I was pretty sure I would pass out if they intensified, out of exhaustion. and never mind that I was barely able to wake up btwn contractions due to my flu and fever (yes ARGH hate flu during labour). So I refused and waited for news that im fully dilated.

6 am. Still at 9 cm. My head was thinking "how long did Kak Hajjar say transitions lasted again?? takkan lama gini??" This time, my mental strength just gave way. I screamed for an epidural. I remember feeling so terrified that my baby would be stuck while im pushing, because I had zero energy left. Fatigued from the pain and the fever, I pleaded for an epidural again n again. I rmbr my doula, my husband, the nurses all giving me such kind words of support, saying ive gone si far and am at the last lap, and encouraged me to stick to my birth plan of going without medication. But I was too defeated by exhaustion and just wanted to sleep. Hahahaha. Like i literally said "yang, i nak tido" and started to cry.

So they called in the anesthesiologist (dunno the spelling). While he prepped the long-ass needle, I felt a huge gush of warm water down there. My waters broke. At this point I could have just waited for the head to descend, but I was too tired and looking forward to a promised 2 hour rest before pushing. So I kept quiet about it. I was in tears, out of disappointment at myself for not being able to ride out the exhaustion. But my doula was so kind and reminded me that God is the best of planners, and perhaps this was the way for me to achieve a natural birth still and avoid any emergency csection if I could not push. The nurses too were angels, and kept assuring me I had tried really hard for a long time and shouldn't beat myself up. And so I slept. That was the best 2 hour sleep of my life. pretty sure I snored and drooled, in the presence of my doula. Nak kata paiseh but nah I was too tired to care, and all modesty had left the room hours ago.

8 am. Woken up by cheerful nurses who told me it was time to start pushing. I just wanted to sleep in longer, but then I remembered oh ya baby is still inside. That epidural was gooooood. So began pushing. It felt so weird pushing when I cant feel anything moving down there. They had to tell me when to push i.e. when contractions came, and kept telling me I was pushing wrong and i had to do it as how i would when pooping. I suddenly didnt know how pooping felt like anymore. Kept pushing for an hour plus, but apparently the head keeps going back in. My husb and I had affectionately named our foetus "jubjub", just to avoid calling it the baby during the pregnancy. and my doula joked that perhaps the baby keeps going back in bcoz we named him jubjub like the muppet from Hi-5 that likes to peekaboo around. haha that was a good one.

My gynae finally came in around 9.30 am ish. She told me that I had to do an episiotomy to help push the baby out. My husband stopped her and told her to let me continue trying. But eventually she kept persisting and my husband apparently could not tahan seeing me push so hard anymore (he said the veins on my face look like they were gonna burst). So he agreed. The moment she cut, I pushed and felt the head empty out of me. I thought that was weird cause I was on epidural, but apparently they reduced the dose while pushing. A few more pushes later, I heard it. Ibrahim's first cries. The nurses and my doula congratulating me. My husband telling me I did it and he was proud of me. But mainly, Ibrahim's cries. 21st January 2017, at 10.03am.

They placed him on my chest. I cried. and cried. And i thought he was the most perfect thing I could ever hold in this world.

Dearest Ibrahim, a mother can love her husband out of choice, but theres simply no choice in this love I have for you. It is so raw and intense and relentless, that Im so consumed by it from the moment I held you. There are days, now, when I feel your anger towards me because I am so hard on you, especially since im not very good at coping with the two of you. But I hope you never feel that I love you any less when I get angry. and I hope you truly forgive me when you give me a hug after I apologise each time for beating you. You deserve so much better, and i'll keep striving to be a better mother to you and adik.

Ok bye. Am gonna cry my eyes out now. Damn birth stories.

[sarahaltmanposts]

At long last, I found it!

January 7, 2019

I kept waiting to have the experience.  I watched others around me experience it on my behalf, but I had yet to feel it myself.  I was beginning to wonder, would I ever feel the relief of ridding cancer?

It has been ten months since my diagnosis.  A busy ten months, for sure.  Tests. Surgery- boobs gone. Port placed (ouch). Chemo- 16 of ‘em.  More surgery- fake boobs placed. Lots more tests.  And finally, port removed (ouch again!).  And yay!  I am FINALLY done.  It’s official- I am cancer free.  

I kept waiting.  My expectation was that I would experience a huge sense of relief, or accomplishment, or overwhelming joy.  But it didn’t come.  

When I completed that last chemo and the nurses sang to me, sure, I was happy.  No more of that chemo stuff is good.  But it wasn’t an overwhelming ‘whew, I’m done’ kind of feeling.

And when word came back that my PET scan was clear, I wept with joy.  It felt really good knowing that it was no longer in me. But again, I didn’t feel a huge sense of relief, that final exhale releasing all that stuff I’d been carrying.

So I thought, “Well, I’m still going through a lot of tests and doctor’s appointments. Maybe it will come after I finally get my port removed.” The port had become a symbol in my cancer journey.  It was placed in my chest where it created a big bulge under my skin that made me feel that I was waiting to be assimilated by the Borg on Star Trek. It served its purpose for sure, carrying  drugs to my body without damaging my veins. But it was very uncomfortable and a constant reminder of what we were trying to remove from my body. So the port removal was more exciting to me than getting my breast implants.  I thought I would certainly have that sense of relief once it was taken out.  But nope.  As we drove home from the surgery, I cried a bit because it was such a milestone.  But mostly I comforted my husband, who had finally experienced his big sense of relief at the completion of this whole, challenging event.

So I waited.  

I began taking the medication I will most likely be taking for the next ten years to ensure that my hormone fed tumors don’t return.  The list of side effects from the medication are daunting: nausea, dizziness, hot flashes, mood swings etc.  Basically, the medication sends my body into a (second) menopause.  Lovely. After several weeks on the medication, I’ve experienced the hot flashes and the moodiness; some low lows, but nothing too new for me.  Manageable for sure.

And then one day, it happened.  Just like that.  It snuck in there just when I least expected.  It was during the holiday break and my husband had taken the boys out to a movie.  I was busy baking cookies, listening to Christmas music and I glimpsed out my window to catch the most beautiful sunset.  It stopped me dead in my tracks.  

I.  AM.  CANCER. FREE.

I am still here.  I get to enjoy this beautiful life surrounded by so much love, abundance, joy and laughter.  It was a high I hadn’t experienced in such a long time.  I was almost giddy.  And yes, you know me dear reader,  I cried.

And the feeling carried into the next several days. I felt it as I enjoyed dinner with my friends on Christmas Eve.  I felt it as I sat back and watched my boys open their presents on Christmas day; there was such a pure sense of peace and joy that day, it is etched in my memory. I felt it as I held my husband’s hand and turned to look into his eyes and caressed his face in a way I hadn’t done in many, many months. And I felt it as I looked in the mirror and saw a reflection of the woman I knew from before. The whole, complete, cancer free woman.  Less hair than before, sure.  But there I was.  I was still here.  And I finally, finally felt it.

This must be what I’ve heard others describe who have survived life threatening illness or experiences.  Seeing the colors of the world brighter and more radiant and having a  new lease on life.  For me, it’s showing up a little differently. I’m finding my inspiration again.  I feel energized like I did in my thirties as I began my career in Casting.  I feel a sense of gumption and chutzpah that’s propelling me forward. I want to live large again.  I don’t want to hold back.  The Sarah that is pragmatic and practical has diminished, having been replaced with one who wants to take chances.

But I’m unsure if I can trust this. Is this merely a reaction to what I’ve gone through?   Could this be a side effect of the medicine?  A counter to my low, lows?

I remember having a friend in AA who shared that in the first year of sobriety, he was encouraged not to make any life-altering decisions- like moving to a new state or making big purchases.  I wonder if the same holds true for the first year following a brush with mortality?  

I guess only time will tell if this is temporary or if the experience of the past nine months has left a permanent mark that is changing the trajectory of my future.  I’m aware of a sense of entitlement present that may be affecting my decision making.  A kind of attitude that ‘I deserve to get what I want.  And shoot, if I’m gonna die, I might as well live the way I want to now’.  And that’s the part that I’m unsure if I can trust.  After all, my decisions affect my whole family.

Here’s what I do know.  Entitlement thoughts aside, I LOVE this feeling.  There’s an energy of possibility that I’m riding and it feels really good.  It fuels me.  It feels like Divine whispers coming through me.  It excites me.  It motivates me.  So for now, I’m gonna ride the wave.  I’ll keep following my heart and trust that the Universe will provide and that there are enough check points in place to keep me from going overboard.

Please don’t picture me leaping through a meadow of greens with rainbows and music in the background. These highs are not sustained through every moment of my day.  I still experience daily normalcy and challenges.  But nowadays it’s like the foundation that my experiences rest on has shifted. My starting point has been raised, if that makes any sense.

So yay to life and love and laughter!  Yay to the research that has led to the release of disease in my body.  Yay to opportunities, possibility and gentle whispers.  Yay to being cancer free.  

I am blessed.

In loving,

Sarah

[papersandkeyboards]

4/11-17: The Spring Break Series; Part 5 (End): Ended Spring Break with Something Grand

FRIDAY, APR 15, 2016.

(^calon paparazi)

Sitting right smack in the middle of probably the driest states of the United States, people who didn’t know a lot about the Grand Canyon would assume that the place was dry and hot all year round.

However, I found out that the top of the Grand Canyon—logically—was situated high above the sea level. The South Rim, in which most of the tourist activity took place, stood in an average elevation of 6800ft (that’s more than 2 kilometers, if you don’t mind, Americans), and the canyon itself went as deep as 2400ft (700m) above sea level.

If we had the right page on Geography, we would know that as elevation rises, temperature decreases, and vice versa. With that in mind, it can be safely stated that the temperature at the bottom of the Grand Canyon is always gonna be hotter than the temperature above.

Thinking about this, now it made sense to me why Karen and Eric hiked down the Grand Canyon in January. It might be dead cold at the top of Grand Canyon in January, but down at the bottom it was pretty warm. Wise decision to make, instead of climbing down Grand Canyon in, say, June, because if it was already hot at the top of Grand Canyon, people might as well bring raw meat to cook over a mere rock down at the bottom. Very hot.

But hiking down the Grand Canyon was supposedly an activity that should be well-prepared—physically and logistically—which was exactly why we weren’t doing such thing in this occasion. Like I said, just touristy things. Guided tours, information boards and pamphlets, and pictures. And cheap souvenirs. #sorrynotsorry for being a tacky tourist, really. Kapan lagi.

We drove for around an hour or more from Flagstaff to the South Rim of the Grand Canyon. Flagstaff already stood in high elevation to begin with, but the road we took to the Grand Canyon was a dead-straight road that wasn’t steeply inclined it didn’t feel like we’re gaining so much altitude. When we got there, it was so chilly it didn’t feel like spring break. In fact, the high elevation did kill the ‘spring break’ vibe, kind of like what Flagstaff did to me the night before, because this was what I found on the ground:

But I wouldn’t complain. I like snow. Gotta enjoy its existence while I still got the chance.

The Grand Canyon was… well, grand. The weather was perfect: it might be chilly, but it wasn’t raining. The skies were bright blue with big blobs of white clouds. The air was fresh and breezy. I haven’t experienced being in such a big open space in a long time. And it felt refreshing.

I might have about a hundred pics of the Grand Canyon, but I didn’t have a lot of words for it, except that… nature really was magnificent. Way to go, God.

There were so many ledges and spots that would have been seriously beautiful to watch the whole canyon from or to get my picture taken from, but those spots were mostly unfenced, and none of us would like to risk it, so we went to the safe spot, the designated viewing ‘balcony’ for tourists. But even the view from there was amazing enough already.

What a pretty layer-cake-like structure. Unlike the tan lines of the Hoover Dam, these layers of the Grand Canyon should have been shaped over millennia.

And being a nationalist exchange student I was, of course I just had to do a mandatory pic of me with my flag in an American landmark.

(I probably shouldn’t have worn green hijab because that combined with the flag made me look somewhat Hungarian)

We could also see the bottom of the rim, where people go to camp for days. Karen told me people usually hire a mule to bring their stuff down and up, since it’s kind of exhausting to bring two-three-day camping supplies, including food and water, down and up the rim for miles. Heck, it should have taken way longer than just some miles because it was ALREADY ‘some miles’ if you pull a line straight down from the top to the bottom of the rim, let alone the walking trail which should take many more miles to avoid steepness. I saw at the bottom of the rim, somewhere, ran the Colorado River—or maybe a branch of the Colorado River—along which sides the trees were growing much greener than the other greens in the surrounding area.

We walked this trail called “Trail of Time”, which purpose was to walk the visitors through the journey of the Grand Canyon, geologically. The trail entirely was 2.83 miles (4.56 km), but I personally didn’t think I walked THAT much. But then again, if I try to remember, I was pretty tired and the trail was waaaaay longer than what I expected.

The trail was filled with information boards and polished model of different kinds of rocks. I’m not a person of Geology, but these rocks did have interesting patterns of layers and curves and colors. Each meter walked on the trail marked one million year of the Canyon’s geologic history, like this:

I didn’t read through all of the information on the boards, but it was fun with the viewing tube that gave you a real-life sight of what kind of rock layer was being talked about on the information board. The tubes were specifically set to one point of target, which were specific part of rock of the Canyon that correlated to the rock explained on the board.

This is what I like about making public facilities educational with effort not to make it boring, instead of, say, copy-and-pasting information straight out of Wikipedia and put it on a board for people to read.

We found a quite pretty unfenced place where we could take pictures too, though. Haha.

We walked some (and by some, I meant quite some) distance until we found a restaurant at the end of the trail. Ta-da! Stomach is hungry.

A classic log cabin design, with the deer head mounted on the wall and all (wait are those creatures with huge antlers called deers too bc i’m not sure). After that we took the bus back to our parking lot (because nope, no more walking thank you) and hit the road to Phoenix, AZ.

(not after an effort to find cheap souvenirs—I didn’t remember what they were selling but somehow I walked our of the store with nothing because, apparently, nothing in the store fit my criteria) (ya)

If the way across Nevada was a hot desert with patchy bushes, the way across Arizona was a hot desert with bunches of huge red rocks.

Beautiful.

Well, not that our trip all the way from Grand Canyon to Phoenix was all red rocks, but when we reached the city of Sedona and the sun started to glide westward approaching the horizon, the scene got real pretty.

Wish it was in Utah, which supposedly specialized in cool red rock boulders. Well, gotta save some things for later, am I right?

(menunggu hujan duit)

And we finally reached the city of Tempe, Arizona, and had our dinner there.

Kalau saya bilang ke orang-orang saya pergi ke Amerika dan mengunjungi kota Tempe, yang ada kayaknya malah diketawain ya.

SATURDAY-SUNDAY, APR 16-17, 2016.

Real quick. Visited Karen’s uncle in a retirement home (is that the correct term?), then went to his house to help cleaning up his house. It’s pretty obvious that Phoenix stood right smack in the middle of a huge desert, with the adobe buildings and all, so I wonder why was I surprised when I found a LOT of jerrycans full of water hidden all over his house (“in case of a drought,” Karen said, emphasizing the water shortage problem experienced by the state and surrounding states despite the Hoover Dam’s existence). We ended up using the water for plants.

Also, Phoenix was hot. If I were to compare, it was probably as hot as Duri (>30 Celcius in the middle of the day), but it was so... dry, like, so different from Indonesian hot. I couldn’t even understand how to explain it, but the sun was so intense and it was so dry. Oh, and, no wind, at all. Plus, what made it so extreme to me was the fact that I had just been through my past 7 months living in cold weather. I was at a point of life where 15 Celcius counted as ‘warm’ and 20 Celcius means ‘real hot and sunny yay let’s play outside all day’.

The next day we went to Scottsdale for none other than *drumroll* souvenirs! Then caught the plane back to Seattle in the afternoon. For some reason, when we arrived in the evening, I got this crazy headache, so I went straight to bed.

...yeah. That was all.

Incredibly exciting spring break, and most definitely super-duper-out-of-this-world unforgettable half a month. Demi apa kayaknya baru pertama kali ini jalan-jalan panjang ke mana-mana selama dua mingguan. Sempat ketemu artis lagi. cihuy.

Absolutely couldn’t thank enough my parents (both natural and host), but this time their kindness and love couldn’t save me from what’s coming the next day.

But for now, need sleep. Headache.

Adios.

[ms-m-astrologer]

Transiting Vesta Stations Direct

Timetable (current events in bold): Vesta enters retrograde zone: Friday, September 16, 2016, 20:07 Cancer Vesta into Leo: Wednesday, October 19, 2016 Vesta retrograde: Thursday, December 1, 2016, 5:42 Leo Vesta retrograde back into Cancer: Tuesday, January 10, 2017 Vesta direct: Wednesday, March 8, 2017 Vesta into Leo again: Tuesday, May 2, 2017 Vesta out of retrograde zone: Friday, May 19, 2017

In all the gas-giant/ice-giant/TNO Cardinal Sign Capital-D Drama over the past several months, with Ceres (Lady Asteroid) and Eris (big bad TNO) chipping in, something as quiet and, well, as private as Vesta retrograde is apt to be overlooked. This is par for Vesta’s course. She isn’t flashy or extreme, and prefers to stick close to hearth and home. Nevertheless, as she has approached her station-direct, she turned the “mere” cardinal t-square (Jupiter/Libra opposite Uranus-Eris/Aries, all squared by Pluto/Capricorn) into a bona fide cardinal grand cross. What’s up with that?

As a refresher, let’s see, first of all, what Martin Bulgerin (website link) writes about Vesta retrograde:

“Vesta rules over a core sense of identity and independence, a kind of faithfulness to yourself that allows no compromise or selling out. You are focused or centered in yourself, able to tap into the great powers of the self when you act out of truthfulness and integrity. When Vesta is in reverse, this fidelity to yourself is tested. Situations come up that force you to decide how much integrity really means to you and how much you'd rather ‘slide through life.’ She teaches us to be beholden to nobody, to stand up and be responsible for ourselves, to demand the best of every experience.”

Of course, during this entire Rx period we’ve seen the opposite of “truthfulness and integrity.” We have seen and heard people who really would rather “slide through life” team with an antiquated and unfair Electoral College to give us President Untruthful Corruption Petites-Mains. But in a sense, weren’t these vicious, malevolent people being true to themselves, too? Add the negative characteristics of Leo (pride, bombast, arrogance, egomania) to those of Cancer (insecurity, clannishness, timidity), and we get 2016.

Vesta has another association: sanctuary. In the wake of Bannon/Dolt 45’s assaults on everyone who isn’t a straight white Christofascist wealthy guy, the concept of sanctuary will increase in importance.

But, let’s focus on the first part of Vesta retracing her steps in Cancer for now. What can we do to redirect the insecure, clannish, timid, stuck in the past energy?  Considering that the antonyms of “insecurity, clannishness, and timidity” are the Leo traits of “confidence, friendliness, and bravery,” it won’t be enough (or appropriate, yet) to just do the opposite. We can do that after Vesta goes back into Leo.

With Vesta in Cancer, we’re going to focus on nurturing and comforting ourselves and each other. We have to create the “safe space” for the upcoming Vesta/Leo dramatics. There can be no exclusion, none - if Dolt 45 shows up on your doorstep wounded, you do the first aid! If we’re too focused on preserving what we have to give, for our own use, we’ll never stop worrying about having “enough.”

In Thomas Cahill’s words (from How the Irish Saved Civilization), “Perhaps history is always divided into Romans and Catholics - or better, catholics. The Romans are the rich and powerful who run things their way and must always accrue more because they instinctively believe that there will never be enough to go around; the catholics, as their name implies, are universalists who instinctively believe that all humanity makes one family, that every human being is an equal child of God, and that God will provide.”

Toward the end of Venus’ retrograde, she gets close to a trine to Vesta - but although the trine gets within one degree, it’s never exact. They WERE exactly trine back on January 28, at 25+ Pisces/Cancer. This was the day after Dolt 45 restricted travel and immigration from citizens of oil-rich countries with whom he and the Russians don’t have business ties. Sanctuary, remember? If we want to find it, we need to provide it to others.

Wednesday, March 8, Mercury/Pisces trine Vesta/Cancer, 20:07; Friday, March 10, Sun/Pisces trine Vesta/Cancer, 20:09

We certainly start Vesta’s direct motion with the best of intentions! High-minded and spiritually elevated, we want to understand (Merc) and embody (Sun) the notion that there is but one human family - walking it like we talk it, if you will. Whether or not our inner flame can continue to give light and warmth will be seen, as Vesta proceeds slowly to interact with most of the other cardinal grand cross planets (Pluto excepted).

Planets/Points affected lie between 19:07 and 21:09 of the yin signs Taurus, Cancer, Virgo, Scorpio, Capricorn, and Pisces.

Sunday, March 19, Jupiter/Libra square Vesta/Cancer, 20:38

We need to reconcile our own self-focus and self-dedication with what “society” tells us we ought to do. Ms M wonders if most of us aren’t going to run headfirst into a brick wall called “Intersectionality,” because this sure as hell looks like it to her. We don’t have all the answers, and what “works” for us isn’t necessarily valid for somebody else! Give people the courtesy of their own experience.

Planets/Points affected lie between 19:38 and 21:38 of the cardinal signs Aries, Cancer, Libra, and Capricorn; and between 4:38 and 6:38 of the mutable signs Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, and Pisces.

Friday, March 24, Mercury/Aries square Vesta/Cancer, 21:15

First of three, with #3 occurring after both Mercury and Vesta have moved into the next sign. Mercury and Vesta have a lot in common (or maybe I just have them conjunct in my own chart), so this is almost certainly some kind of problem with communication &/or mental attitude. We don’t stop to think before we speak, and blurt out some nonsense that we don’t honestly ascribe to, anymore. We may also become aware of the need to get around, or overhaul, some habitual thought patterns.

Planets/Points affected lie between 20:15 and 22:15 of the cardinal signs Aries, Cancer, Libra, and Capricorn; and between 5:15 and 7:15 of the mutable signs Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, and Pisces.

Wednesday, April 5, Eris/Aries square Vesta/Cancer, 23:06

We’re called to put our money where our mouth is, with this square. If humanity is truly one big happy family, that includes Dolt 45 and Steve Bannon, right? It includes that homeless vet who doesn’t smell very “nice” and keeps muttering to herself, right? And the kid with Trisomy 18, the octogenarian with Alzheimer’s, the insurance salesperson who chose the “safe” path, the family who goes to Bible study three times a week. This square challenges you to own up to your less-than-savory “relatives.”

Planets/Points affected lie between 22:06 and 24:06 of the cardinal signs Aries, Cancer, Libra, and Capricorn; and between 7:06 and 9:06 of the mutable signs Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, and Pisces.

Tuesday, April 11, Uranus/Aries square Vesta/Cancer, 24:19

More challenges, with the emphasis on motivation. Do you really believe what you profess, or are you just trying to appear glamorous? Demetra George put it beautifully: “The resolution of these challenges lies in committing and dedicating oneself to a type of innovation and reform that promotes constructive and healing changes in the old order, or building functional structures of a new order.” The Moon in Libra might exacerbate “things” and make us wish for a balance when we can’t have one.

Planets/Points affected lie between 23:19 and 25:19 of the cardinal signs Aries, Cancer, Libra, and Capricorn; and between 8:19 and 10:19 of the mutable signs Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, and Pisces.

Thursday, April 13, Mars/Taurus sextile Vesta/Cancer, 24:50

Finally, something that isn’t challenging!! Yay! We are STRONGLY focused today and have tremendous amounts of practical energy at our disposal. It’s also pretty sexy - take care of your partner, and your partner will take care of you. Also a good omen for working in the yard/garden, which is (now that I think of it) the same principle as sex.

Planets/Points affected lie between 23:50 and 25:50 of the yin signs Taurus, Cancer, Virgo, Scorpio, Capricorn, and Pisces.

Friday, April 14, Sun/Aries square Vesta/Cancer, 25:01

This can make us overly self-absorbed, directionless, and alienated. As Mufasa told Simba, “Remember who you are!” We’re challenged to keep on the “right” path for us, no matter how lonely it makes us, and no matter if we can’t see where we’ll end up. Create a purposeful vision of yourself, and align your energies with it.

Planets/Points affected lie between 24:01 and 26:01 of the cardinal signs Aries, Cancer, Libra, and Capricorn; and between 9:01 and 11:01 of the mutable signs Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, and Pisces.

Friday, April 21, Ceres/Taurus sextile Vesta/Cancer, 26:42; Saturday, April 22, Chiron/Pisces trine Vesta/Cancer, 26:52

Keep in mind that Venus/Pisces is “in there,” too, although her trine to Vesta never becomes exactly exact. April 22 is Earth Day. This whole setup screams “Get out in the garden” - at least get outside and as much into Mother Nature as you can manage. It’s therapeutic as hell, this weekend. Pick up trash as you walk; leave the earbuds at home and listen to the birds; absorb what’s going on with Mother Earth (unless there’s lightning). As it’s known in these premises, “ground and center.”

Planets/Points affected lie between 25:42 and 27:52 of the yin signs Taurus, Cancer, Virgo, Scorpio, Capricorn, and Pisces.

Monday, April 24, Mercury Rx/Aries square Vesta/Cancer, 27:29

Second of three. If you spent Earth Weekend grounding and centering like I told you to, you’ll have an easier time finding all the mental traps and habitual patterns of thought that hold you back. At this point Mercury is “Promethean Retrograde,” and its being in Aries, is a double emphasis on finding new ways to learn, think, reason, and communicate.

Planets/Points affected lie between 26:29 and 28:29 of the cardinal signs Aries, Cancer, Libra, and Capricorn; and between 11:29 and 13:29 of the mutable signs Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, and Pisces.

[pulpklatura]

Letter

To my dear friend,

It is almost ludicrous how many of these unsent letters I am writing in this year of my life. In our particular case the reason I cannot confide these intimations in you is because you have summarily pushed me out of your life, and I can only guess at your thoughts the way you probably have been guessing at mine. I was prepared to tell you. I was preparing myself to tell you at the beginning of this month before our bond unravelled and I had to consume far too many units of alcohol to blunt all the pain I was feeling at the knowledge of losing you, whilst holding my tongue all this while, because it is not in me to express my feelings when the risk is so high.

My words are not flowing. For you I have no words, no regret, and no anger, only love - love as I have known it from the moment I was taught to read. Love is patient, love is kind, love is not love which alters where it alteration finds or bends with the remover to remove. I loved you from the start. I hold him in high esteem, I had said, to every single person who thought we were perfect on paper and wanted to know why I never thought to kiss your stupidly handsome face. I respect him too much to lead him on when I am unsure of him. I wasn’t unsure. I said, most confidently, to my everlasting bitter amusement, He is the last man on earth I can ever be compelled to feel strongly for, to form a romantic attachment to. I have always been skittish, a veritable babe in the woods - it naturally didn’t help that everything about you echoed everything that I had once loved and then grown to love and in you I saw home, twice over, always and always. You never got to know how I have a painful relationship with home, like you did, which you kindly confided in me right at the beginning - a fact that scared me, because I could not reciprocate so early on in any acquaintance. I was perhaps a little too enamoured of a Wickham then, but perhaps more importantly I thought I would never wake up one day and be forced to confront the reality that somehow, one way or another, you had slipped into my heart more securely than Wickham had, that while I was right to identify your cold, logical exterior I hadn’t realised the effect your innate decency would someday have on my heart.

I love you, truly, rather deeply, and I only very belatedly realised I was in love with you, because nobody spends an entire month thinking about someone and their conversations with a smile every time she wanders the chartered streets of the city you have claimed as home, in the country we have both claimed as home after growing up unhappy. In speaking of it to another friend I likened the process to Elizabeth Bennet realising her true feelings whilst visiting Pemberley, not because I claim her badassery even if I am very fond of walking and snark, but because I am surely as foolish as she in being so quick to judge. I had to admit that I was in love when you haunted my dreams, night after night when I saw you again in the city where we first crossed paths, and all I wanted in those dreams was to wake up to see your sleepy smile and your honey-coloured eyes flicker open to look upon me as you once did. To have you tease me every day the way you have every time we corresponded or conversed, to finally see your green thumb at work (I remember the story about your orchids and how you love bonsai), to force you to read Neruda to me because you are fluent in Spanish and I would never ask just anyone to read Neruda to me, to even just have that dinner at the Italian place you insisted you would take me to when we met in January after the month we spent apart. I was in love, against all my expectations, and then I was afraid that after loving you too much to contemplate the possibility of being in love with you, I was too in love for the love I already had for you.

Do you understand what I am saying? I still love you. I might always love you, as a friend, in the sense that friendship is what gives love its wings. I am not and have never been mad about you, or mad for you - I do not feel a burning conflagration of passion when I lay eyes on you but a groaning in my bones that speak to the security one feels from returning to the harbour after roiling seas, the contentment one experiences by a crackling, warm fire after being caught in the inclement weather outside. In my life I have been called a wild thing, a creature meant for the moors rather than the drawing room (although I will never forget how you told me I was one of the most elegant women you had ever met in our first meeting), and suddenly on account of you, I felt like settling down in a resting place might be all right with my soul. For this reason I felt fear, and that is why after four months of absolute obliviousness (four months in which you might have been suffering for want of my affection) I couldn’t speak at all, much as I wanted to call you and tell you that I finally loved you enough to survive being in love with you.

But I never got to get over my fear, to get over my Holly Golightly existence where I have been running and running into myself every time the notion of home raises its head in my life. You shut me out, without any explanation save the one I had to wrangle via my gossip sources (yay for being Emma Woodhouse in social standing in this wretched building you and I and all my swains, past and present, live in), and the part of me that remembers to love myself tells me that for this reason you are unworthy of my love, except I already love you and I know that your consistency throughout the four months before this one month where I began to taste despair on your account tells me that any person who truly loves you would applaud that decision. Cut me off, like a branch that refuses to produce any fruit despite your careful attentions over this long haul, since you’ve found a more fruitful alternative, even if the reason I was taking so long was because the soil I’ve been planted in is made of adversity. (If you waited but a month more you would have had wine to grace your wry lips.) I don’t want to know who she is (dare I say once again that I truly am Lady Mary Crawley in the flesh?) but I wish with every ounce of my being that she gives you what I could never give in the time we’ve known each other. You must be happy, because I have made you so very unhappy, and it would please me greatly for you to be happy even whilst I nurse my own misery. I did not want you when you wanted me and now that I want you you do not want me - I know that we are not meant to be, not now, and I will not torture myself with thoughts of ever when our paths are surely diverging sharply in a few months’ time, not even with the possibility that one day many years from now I might bump into you across London Bridge when I have grown up enough to ask (probably drunkenly, after we both had too much to drink whilst catching up) why you never asked to kiss me, the little fool that I was. I know why I never asked to kiss you - I was waiting to know whether you loved me more than you were in love with me, a test which you have failed in this one month during which I couldn’t eat or sleep because you personally taught me the bitter lesson that love is in the open doors and that for my own sanity I couldn’t keep hanging outside your closed one, too afraid to even knock. Then again I couldn’t quite allow myself to let you in, so how were you even to begin loving me properly and fully?

But I said I love you and love you I do. Do what you have to. I let you go now, freely and with peace in my heart, because while right now it might kill me to see you with your someone else (she is more astute than I am, for recognising your good qualities and so is far more deserving of your tenderness than I), I am a woman that loves patiently and kindly. Come back to me when you are ready, because I will always be able to love you even if I may not be in love with you when we talk again. I am wholeheartedly, and hope to always be,

Your friend.